be hugged

What shame it is
to long for a touch that might never be felt
a gaze which may never be shared
breaths that might never mingle from lovers about to kiss

what time is wasted on such thoughts
wondering what unspoken words were never uttered
dreaming about the passionate embraces that could have been

but how irresistible such daydreams can be
the passion dreams
the hopes
the haunted wonderings
what could have been
if.

I am alone…not completely alone. I am with someone who I love, yet I feel all alone. I love him like a father, or brother….i love him like an indentured servant comes to love her master. I care for him, yet my heart…that part of spirit that loves, passions, desires,....is far away, waiting for another, on the windowsill of the home he left. So here am I…all alone…wishing on a dream.

There’s so much I left unsaid; so many questions I wanted to ask you, wanted you to ask me….questions I wanted to make you answer. I didn’t have the chance…..or I maybe did, but how would I know then, that the opportunities would be so few for me to step up. Had I only known that the last time we really spoke might be the very last chance for me to be a big girl and be straight with you, I might have forced myself to ask the unanswered questions……made you say plainly the thoughts that I wonder if you were trying to say. Were you really trying to tell me something? Or is it just my wishful thinking jumping at hopes that your thoughts were what I want, so badly want them to be. I’m a little jumpy hippie. The very last time you said hello, you weren’t yourself,….. who were you really? I still wish to hear you, wish for you to hear me. I miss you. Am I cursed now?

Here I stand….all alone with my wide selection.