face unpleasant things rather than avoid

I’ve been slacking off on this, because once I check a few long standing unpleasantries out from under a rug, I feel done for a while. This week brings so many new ones, though!

Renting out my house for the summer and having a vaguely sketchy sounding woman come to look at it today.

Mailing in my lease for this year (admitting that I’m spending another year here…).

Deciding one way or the other about africa, and committing.

I really need a mantra or something to push me through these things!

Both regarding hemorrhaging money! Paid up the next 6 months of car insurance at the very last moment of the last day, and signed young daughter up for the SAT test also at the very last moment of the last day possible. So that’s done.

Then I thought I should reward myself. An eyebrow wax? A pint of beer? No, those cost money! Must be frugal! Hmmm… how about just a feeling of smug satisfaction that I am responsible and on top of things? I tried for that, but it wasn’t happening. The luxury of wallowing in gloom over my bank account and feeling sorry for myself? That works…

Now – on to a new day and new unpleasant things to sweep back out from under my rug!!! Gooooooo me!

...though I’ve heard that once you get the ball rolling on it, it’s a relief to uncover a lot of the stuff you’ve buried to avoid dealing with.

I’m starting simply. I read an email that I was sure was going to contain things I did not want to hear. I’d had the email archived for a while, but felt like it was sitting in my gmail archive glowing like toxic waste. Every time I opened my gmail account (even knowing the email itself was hidden from my view) my stomach would drop and I’d get antsy and stressed.

Finally I did some meditation (didn’t work) and deep breathing (didn’t work) and then just ripped off the bandaid and opened and read the email all in one fell swoop. And it was fine. Nothing scary, nothing terrible. No, I didn’t especially want the message the email sent, but avoiding it was BY FAR the worse feeling that reading it.

Whew.

Now I’m planning my daily to-do lists with one thing each day that I’ve been avoiding. Small stuff, large stuff, just one thing per day. Weekends I’m leaving off unless it’s critical. I hope this makes me feel like I’m cleaning out neglected closets or something… nice and airy and accomplished.