List the 10 Greatest Lessons Learned / Achievements Earned in 2005

that it’s New Year’s Eve (almost a whole year after 2005 finished), I’ve decided that it’s now or never for this one. I can’t locate the list I wrote out earlier this year, so I’m going to go from memory. I may confuse some of 2005 with 2006… but really, some of these lessons and achievements were (are) ongoing experiences, that can’t be identified as belonging to a specific moment in time. Some of them, I hope will continue for a while to come… as I continue to grow. After all… if we stop learning and growing, what reason is there for us being here?

So, here goes:

_{(btw… this could become rather long, so feel free to go and get yourself a cup of tea, or summat…)}

As explained in my earlier entry.

This was a hard lesson to learn. This is not to say that you shouldn’t make an effort to swim against the current… but there are times when you have to step back, look at the situation with a different perspective, and decide if what you’re fighting for is worthwhile.

I’ve never been much good at asking for help… and I always thought I was quite good at presenting life as being cheery and happy, even when it (I) wasn’t. But, even though they may not come out and say it, those who care (and sometimes even those who would struggle to pick you from a bar of soap) know that you’re putting on an act. People who love you want in on your life… the good and the bad. I’m really grateful for having discovered this.

For a while there, sinking seemed the easier, and even the only, option. Yet, I decided that I wanted to do better than that. At times I started to feel that I was too tired, but I kept going. It helped a lot, knowing that I had family and friends to reach out to me when I really needed it. Oh, and counselling… definitely worth doing.

Reminding myself to stop and think, “really, what’s the worst that can happen?”, has made a big difference. Some were small steps, and some have been pretty big. I pushed my boundaries, and found that I liked having a larger space in which to roam.

I realised that I’d forgotten a lot about myself… such as how much I once enjoyed photography, even reading. I learned that I do actually like tomatoes, and running. As I began to examine myself a little closer, I found there were facets I’d never noticed, and many of which I’d lost sight.

You know… ‘every cloud has a silver lining’, and ‘time heals all wounds’. As much as I’ve always cringed at these, it turns out there’s a reason we keep spouting them… because that’s just how it works.

I was never at risk of being labelled ‘sporty’. Much less ‘fit’. But (despite a few set-backs, here and there), I’ve found that I actually enjoy getting out and exercising. When I stick at it, I improve. And I like that.

Although, initially there was no way I could have forseen just how important this site would become. I’ve made amazing connections here, and found something (someone) very special… which I never would have thought possible. In fact, if anyone had tried to suggest this to me, I’d have been backing away toward the door, thinking they were nuts.

I’m cheating a bit with this one, because although by the end of 2005 I could see that I was actually leaving a situation that was not good for me, I couldn’t have predicted that what seemed to be a crappy, pot-holey road, would lead me to such a beautiful place. I know I’ve talked about this before, but I look back at the bumpy road and I’m thankful for the journey, because it brought me here.

So, now (at half past three, on New Year’s Eve 2006), my 2005 reflection is finally finished. A little rushed, and very last minute. Pffft… bloody typical.

2006 is almost over, and I still haven’t finished reflecting on 2005!

Somewhere, I have a list that I wrote, so perhaps I’ll just post the rest of the list, to finish this off.

Achievement: Living on my own

Admittedly, this happened by necessity rather than by choice… so as a result, I didn’t enter into this new living arrangement in an incredibly positive frame of mind.

I’d never lived on my own before. At the age of 19, I moved from the family home (in Darwin) to Melbourne with my first boyfriend (whom I’d started seeing at the age of 16). We then lived together for 3 1/2 years. When I left that relationship, I lived with a friend for a short while, but basically ended up moving straight in with the man who’s about to become my ex-husband. We were together for just over 7 years, until I moved out in September 2005.

Everything about this move was confronting for me. Apart from being on my own, at a time when I felt completely shattered… I was moving into an area with which I was not hugely familiar. I was also moving from a lovely house that was mine… that we’d built… into a rented flat. Small and depressing in comparison.

Slowly, however, I began to adjust to my new abode. I started to enjoy the feeling of freedom… making my own decisions, taking full responsibility for everyday jobs and chores (okay, so I still suck at housework, but it gets done eventually). I even deal with spiders as required… there might be lots of squealing, but that squealing now accompanies action rather than running away and calling for help.

It’s taken a lot of time and adjusting… and I do still have boxes that I haven’t yet dealt with… but I’m now quite comfortable living on my own. I no longer equate it with ‘being alone’... and I even call this place home.

Last year was a big year for me… I learned a lot about myself, my relationships, and about the realities of life… good and bad. I also experienced achievements that, although relatively small in the scheme of things, were incredibly important and eye-opening to me.

With everything that has happened, it would be so easy to undertake this goal in a negative frame of mind… so I’ve decided to take the time to carefully consider what it is that I’ve learned and achieved. Without being a ‘Pollyanna’, I want to look at this list as positively as possible :-)