Get a divorce

The divorce became absolute last Sunday (December 10th). Good to have it ticked off the list, for the sake of closure, at the very least.

Name: Loquaciouslass
Age: 30
Marital status: Divorced, but taken.

_{(Id est, thoroughly enamoured of Matthew)}

;-D

that he did actually submit the paperwork.

I got an email from his gf H, and referring to the phone call I made to him, she says:

“At least it is all done now & it did speed up the process quite a lot.”

Sounds as though it’s now just a matter of waiting for the certificate to turn up in the mail.

One of the psychologists I work with suggested that I get together with friends to celebrate once it’s all done. The thought of a ‘divorce party’ (her words, not mine) is a bit macabre… but perhaps something with the theme of ‘freedom’ and ‘new life’ will be in order.

Okay, so we’re not quite there yet, but we’re a lot closer!

After ‘losing’ the papers for five or so weeks, then receiving a replacement set from me… he took two weeks holidays. I didn’t realise this until I phoned last Wed, a week after he said he’d phone me with an update. Needless to say, I wasn’t terribly impressed when I heard the message on his phone.

Initially I left him a very polite (and calm) message, explaining that I was becoming frustrated with the lack of progress, and that after everything he’d put me through I couldn’t believe that he was still treating me with such discourtesy, and making me clean up his mess. (I don’t think I’m being too harsh there.)

The next day, when I didn’t hear any more from him, I phoned his GF to get in touch with him. I apologised to her for phoning her to contact him, and we had a lovely chat. Then I spoke to him, and the conversation was polite, but very brief. He’s such a selfish jerk… the “I’m on holiday” excuse really doesn’t cut it… TWO MONTHS AFTER GETTING THE DAMNED PAPERS IN THE FIRST PLACE! Grrrr! Stupid arse.

Today he was back at work, and he phoned to see what to do next. Looks as though he’s going to go and purchase a copy of the marriage certificate… I did have a copy ready for him, but didn’t have it with me today. Then he’s off to submit the forms… fingers crossed he does it today.

If it all goes well, we may make it in time for the October round, which means it could be all over in less than a month! Finally!

and decided that it was silly to leave him stressing about trying to find the paperwork. So I phoned today, and asked him how he was going. He admitted that he was worried I might phone to ask, because he’d misplaced the paperwork.

I told him it was okay, as I had a second set… and that I’d drop it off to him, along with contact details for the Honorary Justice. Got it to him at lunch time today… and asked that this time he keep me informed as to his progress.

Funny thing is, that H (his GF) sent me an email later this afternoon to let me know she’d found the first set at home. I’ve just sent her a reply to let her know I’d dropped the other set off to him… so she can keep tabs on it from her end.

This would be so much easier if he wasn’t so damned complicated.

that five weeks after handing over the paperwork, it still hasn’t been filed. According to H, the ex was looking for it a couple of days ago, so that he could take it to be witnessed. Even though I told him at the time that I could give him the details of the Honorary Justice I used… located in the suburb next to his work.

I’m not that surprised, really. His mind will be consumed with the horror of having yet another ‘mistake’ recognised. Subconsciously only, though… he doesn’t deal with that sort of thing consciously. Instead he avoids it… by, for example, ‘misplacing’ the paperwork.

::sigh::

Oh well… luckily I have a back-up set of paperwork. He’ll be making every effort to find the set I gave him… it’d crush him if he couldn’t find it, and had to admit to me that he’d lost it. Not saying that it’s any of my concern, just noting that he has incentive to find it.

I’m guessing that he also doesn’t yet realise he needs to get a copy of the marriage certificate. More delays there… but damn it, I’m still not doing it for him.

Stupid arse.

_{I’m not feeling terribly generous toward him at the moment. I don’t care if I’m being mean.}

last week I jumped back aboard the little ‘end-of-relationship’ rollercoaster. What clued me in to this? Well, the fact that I’m currently at home, because I felt too miserable to go to work this morning, for starters. The other major signal was that after spending a lovely day and evening with some of my very close friends (three married couples, two of whom are expecting their first children), I came home and cried myself to sleep.

It’s not about the divorce. It’s not about him. It’s the whole ‘death of the dream’ thing, and last week triggered it off again… the grief, the fear… the panic.

Fuck, I really hate feeling like this. I’m actually incredibly excited for my friends… and I hate that I feel these selfish little moments of misery. I know that others have it much worse than I do, and that in fact, I’m pretty lucky.

It’s probably really just a case of bad timing. Then again, perhaps I would have felt this way anyhow. But, again, this will pass, and I’ll keep moving on.

and then dropped it off to the ex at work. It was pretty painless. He was obviously expecting that it would be coming some time soon, so he was prepared for it. He invited me into the office, and was overly cheery and chatty… he did his usual “I’m having a conversation by talking about myself” routine. I know that all sounds very innocent… but I guess you have to know him to realise how false it all was. He would have rehearsed his reaction over and over, so that he could give the “I’m okay with it all” response. That’s what he does.

It was quite odd… he made some remark about how much I’d come out of my shell since we first met, and a little later, made a comment something along the lines of it being a little sad, because it was the sign of a mistake, or summat. It’d just about be killing him that here was a reminder of yet another mistake… divorce number two. He’s so insecure, that he doesn’t deal at all well with the idea of people seeing him as less than perfect.

I realised after I left, that by inviting me into his workplace, he’d taken the opportunity to show his colleagues that we get along okay. If that doesn’t make sense, think about it like this… if people see us getting along, they’re inclined to thing “hey, his ex still talks to him. He can’t have done anything that bad… what a good guy he must be.” His whole life is a series of manipulations, designed to give people the right impression.

I was a bit annoyed at myself when I realised what he’d done… annoyed that I’d unwittingly played along in his little performance. And then I thought, “what difference does it make? None. Does it harm me in any way? Nope. So let it go.”

I’ve been feeling quite positive about it, but I’m a little edgy at the same time… I don’t know that I really trust how I”m feeling.

I thought there was still a little while to go until I could fill out the paperwork… but I had a look yesterday (at the form I’d downloaded and filled in ages ago), and realised that the date passed two weeks ago. Huh. Odd that I didn’t remember the date… but at the same time, I take it as a positive sign.

So this afternoon I filled out the form and printed it. I’ve located an Honorary Justice (a.k.a. Justice of the Peace), and just need to organise a time to have my signature witnessed. Then I drop it off to the ex. Simple.

I had a session with my therapist. One of the things that came up was my plans for the divorce. I mentioned that I felt I was being a bit spiteful, with my intentions to make my ex do all of the legwork (lodging the paperwork, paying the fees, etc.)... but that I wasn’t sure how spiteful to be, because I hadn’t yet decided if I was going to provide him with a copy of the marriage certificate, or make him go into the registry and get his own copy.

Sue suggested that it wasn’t so much about me being spiteful… rather it was about me needing to know that he’d felt some sort of discomfort from the whole saga. For the most part, I’ve let him get away with everything quite easily… and she pointed out that it wasn’t up to me to be concerned about whether or not the process was smooth and easy for him.

Decision confirmed. He can take responsibility for the lot.

The twelve months separation period is up in just over a month or so… I have the date written down somewhere. Well, not actually written down, as such… but I have a little out-pouring that I wrote in my diary somewhere, which has a date on it.

I downloaded the form last year, and it’s been sitting in a folder on my laptop, ready to print out. There’s nothing to worry about as far as division of property goes… that was all sorted out last year. I do need to find myself a solicitor… I need one to get some stuff organised for when I head overseas anyhow, so I may as well get them to witness my signature on the paperwork whilst I’m there.

Once it’s all signed, I’m going to hand it over to my ex. He can fill out his bit, and then lodge the forms himself. And bugger ‘im… he can pay the fees too. It’ll actually be interesting to see if he has the gall to ask me to put money towards it. Aren’t I just a wicked little witch sometimes? ;-)