Compassion in Art is doing 15 things including…

Be a better friend

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What Would You Do If One Of The Kindest And Most Beautiful People You Ever Met Chose You To Be Their Romantic Partner?

What would you do if one the most beautiful and kind individuals you’ve ever encountered wanted you to be their partner?

How would you live in that reality?

How could you not take them for granted?

Think of the few people who you perceive to be the best people you’ve ever met. If you’re gender exclusive in your amorous affections, then focus on the few people in the one gender you consider to be the best.

What if one of those people chose you to be the primary focus of their long term romantic intents and affections?

Could you live a life worthy of such good luck and fortune?

Could you daily do the work and activities that might be sufficiently reciprocative of such attention and selection?

Think of the person you admire most. Could you practically and honestly facilitate the activities and lifestyle that might merit their personal association?

I’m not sure the human brain can deal with such privilege and realized opportunity.

What should you do if one of the best people in the world chooses you as their romantic partner?

I don’t know. Maybe, every day, throw yourself at the task of trying to live a life worthy of their time and association.

If nothing else, take on the unending tasks of trying to make the world a better place for both of you and everyone else.



If What Goes Around Doesn't Come Around . . .

If you do genuinely profitable things for people, then many people will often turn around and do similar or different, but comparatively valuable, profitable things for you and others.

If you do genuinely profitable things for a person, and they don’t return profitable things to you, then make note of their actions.

There are people who will work hard to return kindness, favors, and benefits to you in like kinds. Find, encourage, and nurture those relationships.



Relationships Are Exercises In Consideration

Relationships, as I understand them, are long term exercises in consideration.

The techniques that help promote long term relationships are different than the techniques that promote so many other pursuits in life.

The processes that build relationships are primarily not about winning, giving, or teaching.

They are about reading, reading the spoken, unspoken, and visual indicators of what another person wants and finding motivations and methods to want to provide those things for another person.

I’m not great at relationships. My reading and interpretive skills are blunt.

If you want to be in long term relationships, you’ll probably benefit from being intent on and capable at being considerate, finding out what is wanted and providing it, whether or not those things are the same things you want.

It’s nice when you share wants, but in the course of long term relationships, there will be many major areas where your wants will either not be the same or will be in conflict. In those frequent and to-be-expected places, you will find out how much you genuinely want to be “in relationship” with another person.

For as romantic as you may feel you are, and for as much as you think you want to be in relationships, if you don’t want to adapt your wants to be compatible with the many, regular things you probably wouldn’t want if you were on your own, then relationships may be a struggle for you to maintain for a long period of time.

There is probably no one on this planet who wants the things you want in just the ways you want them. And while you may be happy with one person because they want certain similar things, be assured that same person is going to also have many incompatible or conflicting wants. All people will come to you wanting many things that are in conflict with your wants. We humans are very complex.

When you don’t see the “value” of another person, ask yourself: Am I valuing them on what I want them to be? Am I valuing them based on criteria I want myself to be? Or should I value them more on the characteristics many people want them to be?

When evaluations are primarily measured by the wants of one person, yourself or your significant other, those evaluations may be too narrow and inconsiderate of your social community as a whole.

If your mottoes are: “No regrets,” “No fear,” “I did it my way,” or “I answer to no one but me,” then you may be an amazingly good person. You may be a perfect you, but chances are you will have trouble in long term exercises of consideration.

Good luck. I don’t know the answers. I hope you can find workable paths for you and yours.



Your Sideshows Will Likely Be Sideshows

If you put as much time, planning, effort, and emotional intensity into your romantic relationships as you do into a sideshow, then expect your romantic relationships to have as much success, longevity, pleasantries, and emotional intensity as a sideshow.

When you find a beautifully compatible person, then relationships are one of those rare occurrences where the cliche of “You will get what you give” can come true.

But you can’t expect to get more than you give. If you don’t bring the time, commitment, and emotional vulnerability, then it’s unlikely you’ll receive it back in return. You’ll have to put yourself out there, and risk having the limb your standing on cut off – because in healthy relationships, you won’t tend to receive more than you offer.

If you treat your significant others as secondary to your other priorities, then don’t expect quality significant others to stick around. Good people don’t tend to like being treated as a secondary consideration within their primary relationships.

So, if you regularly offer little, expect little in return.

You can treat your romances as sideshows, subordinate to your work, your hobbies, your reading, your TV watching, or your other relationship commitments. But don’t be surprised if potential suitors don’t continue to line up to ride that train.

Quality suitors tend to also be smart people. It doesn’t take a smart person long to realize if they are not going to be a high priority in your life. Suitors will be able to correctly infer how much time, energy, and emotional focus you will likely give them by watching your daily habits and how you treat them and other people.

I have a friend who spends an average of a couple hours a day playing video games. He’s single and has never been married. He works full time and, like most people, has other hobbies that take up his time. My friend has always thought he’d like to get married.

There are likely many happy married couples where one or both of the spouses have similar habits. But if a person was single and genuinely wanted to make their romantic relationships more intense, then they might revisit and rethink their time and activity priorities, putting more time into romantic and pleasing social interactions and less time into other things like reading, working, watching TV, and playing video games.

So, the next time you think it’s very important to have one more book read on your life’s list of “Books I’ve Read”, the next time you think it’s important to complete watching one more TV series, the next time you think it’s important to try one more video game, the next time you think it’s important to buy one more toy, the next time you think it’s important to have one more home improvement, the next time you think it’s important to score higher on some work or school evaluation . . . consider if your actions make your romantic partner less of a concern and focus than they enjoy being. If the books, toys, TV, computer games, and work achievements are more important and take up more time than you spend caring for your signifcant other, then expect your significant other to feel subordinate to those things. And expect them to give you the emotional focus and intensity of someone who is treated as subordinate to your other higher priorities.

Life is often a self-fulfilling prophecy. It tends to become what you make it. And it usually does not become what you don’t attempt to make it.

Your sideshows will likely only be sideshows as long as you treat them as sideshows.

If you want great love, you will have to exert consistent great efforts, efforts that will often fail and often not be reciprocated.

But love is one of the few areas where, if you find good people and consistently treat them with great care and focus, you can in rare cases receive love back in like kind.

There are very few other things where the effort given can result in receiving equal returns. And while fairness may not sound exciting, it is a marvel to reciprocate within.



What Age May Teach Us About Beauty

When you are old, there are not as many ways to be perceived as beautiful as when you are younger.

When you are young, your physical beauty, expressiveness, and energy can be perceived as beautiful. When you are older, those attributes are less commonly considered beautiful.

When you are older, your beauty is more commonly defined and perceived by your kindness and your ability to please those around you.

What we may not as fully understand in our youth is that what will make us enduringly beautiful to those around us are the characteristics of beauty that still remain when you are old.

Be kind to those around you. Figure out how to make your environments more pleasant.

If you want to remain on a team, you may discover that being the most skilled, smartest, or strongest will not keep you on a team as well as being competent and pleasant to your teammates will likely keep you on a team.



Close Friends And Confidants

It can be pretty cool and pleasant when all of your confidants, who know you well, are also your close friends.

It’s not always so cool or pleasant when all of your close friends, who know you well, must also be your confidant in order to remain your friend.

It’s difficult when someone’s love, affection, or friendship is always contingent on you keeping their secrets.



Getting Along

It’s frustrating when you try your best and you can’t figure out how to please someone.

It can be even more frustrating when you realize you’re dealing with someone who doesn’t know how to teach others how to please them.



Discretion

As contradictory as this may sound, at some point in your life, you may show your love for a friend or significant by choosing to not reveal some significant and truthful things about them they want to keep hidden.

You may not understand why they want to keep something secret. You may believe they are wrong to keep it secret. You may think your friend is foolish to keep it hidden.

But in allowing your friend to portray their own image in a fashion they would like to be defined, you will defer to their wishes, and agree to hide truthful things you know about them.

Sometimes, in rare cases, this may mean hiding things they did with you. And even though you are hurt by their choice to hide their involvement with you, you may choose to show your love for them by deferring to their wishes.



A Great Life

If you want to live a great life, then work to make the lives of those around you great.



Colors

Sometimes your job is not to see how many colors you can paint yourself with. Sometimes your job is not to see how many colors your can wear and show off.

Sometimes it’s better to simply be reflective, revealing the beautiful colors moving around you.



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