Stop Living in Limbo

my emotions escape -maybe that will be what pushes everything over the edge. i am crying now -but not then. i was angry and i let him know it. i wish the house would sell. Freedom. Choice. my feelings aren’t intense enough. he slams doors, sarcastic bastard! i sigh. he thinks he’s so much better -it is always someone else’s fault. poor pitiful dear. he thinks i ask too much (if i ask for anything at all) i am so lonely when he is around. life is what you make of it -who am i and who do i want to be? i feel constricted -wrapped in a boa’s coils. suffocating slowly, ever so surely. drowning, i can’t keep my nose above the waves. it is not a crashing surf but i am so tired it doesn’t matter any more. silent screams and then quiet.

This is scary I’m actually getting used to the limbo-ness of my life. While it does make every day life simplier, I don’t think it is a good thing.

I’ve set up a session for my husband and I to give marriage therapy a try. It’s been so long since I’ve felt anything -I don’t know. I feel obligated to give it one last try before shutting the door. I know he’s been giving the marriage some effort lately, but I’m just out of juice.

There are some really deep (& superficial) issues were we sit as polar opposites. Without outside help there is no way. With help ??? God is just not letting me duck out just yet. I will some how pull it together and give it my all if it seems possible. I’ll reserve complete gusto until after the first session.

I just want to know is in or is he out? I am so tired of the indecision. I don’t know if I even care what the answer is -just so my life is resolved.