find a church

Why am I so afraid to commit to a church? I’ve been consistently going to a particular church, tithing, helping teach -but I am having trouble making the leap to membership.
I don’t want to be a “church shopper” I worry is this the right place to bring my family? Will my daughter fit in and find a group of Christian peers?
Am I afraid of being let down or hurt by the church? you know, the once burned scenario. I know the church is made up of people -Broken Sinners. Am I not one? I will hurt others. I will get hurt, but it will be OK.
God doesn’t just suggest fellowship with other believers, He requires it. (Not a prereq for salvation -but he desires it and so I want to obey him. I want to do his will and I know he desires it for my own well-being along with for his glory)
This whole love one another bit -it’s hard. Sometimes I don’t like people but I’ve got to love them -encourage them, care for them. Thank you God for being patient with me on this one.
I’ve certainly tried to find excuses. A big one for me was- to join this particular church you must be baptized (as an adult, infant baptism or dedication doesn’t count) Well, being brought up with another tradition, this was an issue. One Baptism -not two, not three. How can you say a different kind of baptism doesn’t count or isn’t recognized. (I know, the water is symbolic -the real baptism is just once, when you first believe from the old life to the new -it doesn’t matter how many time you are dunked into water) Oh how easy it is to say your open-minded, then sure enough you run into your bias. How easy, it is to say “unity in essentials and charity in the in essentials” (a quote I read on some literature from my parent’s church -I really like what it says) -but so much harder to accept.
Well, God did a work with me on this one. A dream -and in this dream, I was explaining to others why it didn’t matter the method or even the number of baptism (or pick your formality -communion, bible version, ...) This was immaterial, this is only ritual -it is what is in the HEART that is important. I was quoting scripture from memory that I’ve never memorized. It was amazing. When I awoke, I remembered everything (I usually don’t remember my dreams once I open my eyes) All my doubts completely erased. It was one of those rare and amazing moments where you ask for an answer and Bam -He speaks.
Needless to say, I feel a little pressure here. I get the whole “what’s important thing”, but God -are you also telling me this is where I belong, that this is the church that I should join? or just get over my hang ups on what is right for me?
I know, I need to commit. I need to get over my fears -turn them over to God. No place is perfect. I am not perfect. It is OK. Church is for the imperfect. This church is filled with the spirit. This is what is important. This is a place that honors and blessed God. This is a place I am ready to call home.

I tried my first new church this past Sunday.

I prayed specifically about finding the right church beforehand. (The right church -as in where God wants me to be right now) One bit that ended up being most of my prayer was that it be a place where I can truly glorify him, where I can give the most, not just recieve the most. It is so easy to focus on trying to find where I will get the most: favorite music, similar people, most interesting studies, most dynamic preacher, etc. rather than where God would like me to be. God was really leading me during my prayertime.

I ended up changing which church my daughter and I were going to visit at the very last moment to one I hadn’t thought of before. Actually had never even seen -I had to look it up on the internet to check it out and find out where it was located. Definitely, felt God’s hand in it all.

From first visit & checking out its website, it may be just where we need to go. The music was wonderful. The message biblical and enlightning. It is growing and friendly. My daughter really liked it and towards the end of the service there was a plea for people to get invovled -they are terribly short on Sunday School teachers.

Just Chance? Maybe, Maybe not.

I had decided to almost make a game or research project out of trying out churches -to lessen the stress of finding THE ONE. Just make it fun, without pressure. (I was stressing out badly, almost to the point of it of letting it paralyzing me)

We will go back this Sunday & my daughter is going to go to the youth program. She wanted to bring a friend. See how the second servie goes then try some other churches before making a committment. BUT -It is so great knowing that the first try may be where we end up. No matter I am more relaxed and confident that God will find us a church home that will be right were he wants us.

The little church I was going to finally closed it’s doors.

Sort of Sad. I truly feel it did what God had planned for it. The church met some real needs -both mine & others. It just never could quite get off the ground. Never achieved that critical mass.

It introduced me to some wonderful people. It was a place where my tithing was critical and it helped me learn to truly trust in God’s constant provision. It provided a safe haven when I was feeling attacked and abused. A place to heal and grow.

But, I am stronger now and in a way the time is just right to move on. I have a teenager and while she loved the church dearly, it didn’t have anyone else her age and that is so important. I was really feeling torn as to what to do and God has it worked out for me.

Now I need to find a new church home. I feel really lost and a bit scared, but I know God will provide what He desires for me.