stop pulling my hair

I took a long walk in the woods today and watched A Christmas Story with my family… quoting all day long… No pulling. ^_

Today I did not pull at all. We bought some toys to give to “Toys for Tots.” The box was missing from my local supermarket, but the lady at the store told me that she can call other stores to pick up the toys. I hope she did. I hope the kids like the toys.

I came close today… I was a bit depressed today and down on myself… But I didn’t pull. I’m quite proud of myself.

Today I most sat for a couple of hours and read and thought, it was a good day, but because of my lack of motion, I was afraid I might pull…. but I didn’t!...Not even an urge to pull at all… Not at all! ^_

That is what I seem to need: other things to occupy my hands. I found that if I am eating pumpkin seeds or doing a project, taking a walk or in the shower I do not feel the need to pull. Perhaps my pulling is a result of boredom or anger at myself… perhaps that is why the impulse manifests itself as it does? I do not know for certain… maybe it just feels good… maybe I just like the feeling of doing something with my hands, mixed with the feeling of liking the way it feels to pull out the hair… Whatever the case might be, I will be sure to always have something to keep my hands busy just in case…

This seems…easy! Too easy… Why is this so easy to stop again? I guess the hard part is the stopping once… It’s almost as though my hair pulling follows Newton’s first law of motion… an object which is in motion tends to stay in motion and an object at rest tends to stay at rest… If I begin to pull, then I continue pulling. If I do not pull, then I stay not pulling…

Only one little spark, one little pull can set me off if I do not stop it…

I guess that little spark is the force which sets my pulling into motion…

Is that what the world is? Just a series of causes interconnected by chance?

But choice can counterbalance chance…

A drunk person might have difficulty making difficult decisions whilst driving, but they can always make the decision not to drink and drive…It’s more difficult with hair, because it is always on my head, always there for me to pull… Unless I were to pull it all out, but that would not be a good thing!!!

I guess I can write 100 days of journals everytime I slip up, that will help me get back on track… I stopped myself before hitting rock bottom this time, but I could have stopped MUCH earlier… I need to not listen to my impulse, I need to listen to my reason.

No pulling today… It’s amazing how just setting my mind to something, I can do anything, and how with one little choice to let myself slide, I can slide all the way back down, almost all the way to the ground again… I think I’ve caught myself now, but I must work to build myself back up again…

Only one hair pulled today and after that I stopped. Simply having this goal up, and knowing that I have to write an entry about it makes me more aware of my pulling! It also, strangely, gives me something to look forward to… and one should always have something to look forward to. :)

I’ve fallen off the train and started pulling pretty badly… I’m challenging myself to another 100 days of no pulling… writing the daily posts gives me a sense of accomplishment and helps to keep me on track!

Last night I went to be thinking “tomorrow will be a perfect day, because it will be the day I am FINALLY able to mark off my hair pulling goal.” It wasn’t a perfect day, things went wrong, but because of my attitude it was wonderful. I hope that I might think that about everyday “Tomorrow I will make it the perfect day.”

No pulling today! ^_