Do something different or new everyday

I wasn’t sure which of my goals to place this under (I realised that I do not have any sort of “Graduate University” goal, I suppose that is because there is not a doubt in my mind that I will graduate University….Maybe I need the “Figure out what the hell I want to do with the rest of my life goal”.... This could have been about procrastination, putting off chosing a major/a minor and my quest which culminates in finally doing so today. I am not certain. I do know that I have never declared a major or a minor, for that matter, in univesity before, so atleast this could be counted under this goal… All goals are kind of inter-connected… One thing causes another etc etc… If nothing else, they all have something to do with me.

I need a journal goal. A one setence journal goal….... That is too short for me. Just a journal maybe. A 43 things journal… I will add that when my hair pulling goal is done aka where I have been ranting about my day thus far! ^_-

I love philosophy, and International Relations deals with International issues, and I like International cultures and such… Honestly, I am not sure which career I would like…

Luckily, though this is new today, I can change my major and minor as ofte as I like!.... I’m not so certain that’s as great as the exclamation point implies…erm.. exclaims,... but I do know that I still have time to figure things out. This is the only life, that I know of, that I will live, and I want it to be lieve to the fullest no matter what I do…. I just need to do some “soul searching”... real HONEST soul searching…. The difficult kind which makes me question my values and wants and not just that which will please other people…I need to consider potential jobs, but most importantly, my happiness…

There is a sort of park near my home. There is a trail that leads into a wooded area. I would always stop short, because of the moquitos (or so I told myself) and did not continue on. But today I went beyound those trees and as far as I could walk. Over two bridges and to the end of the trail… a stream of water. To the left was still, shallow water with trees growing out of it. There are trees with knees here and I climbed over the fallen trees on the water. It was so peaceful and beautiful. I remember thinking to myself, as I left my jacket on a nearby tree, that I could drown. I kept imagining these as my last moments for some reason… I imagined my mother being upset. Of course I was over-reacting in my mind…as I imagined my mother might… as I imagined the end to my story of life… I climed the broken trees and I felt alive. My foot went crushing through a hollow log, but I just jumped onto the nearby island. I got a few battle scars, but these I treat as medals of honor. So far alone was I.

As I walked back, fully alive thank-you-very-much, I screamed as loud as I could- CARPE DIEM! and other inscrutable shouts. As I walked back towards the entrance I realised I was not alone as a lady and her children veered away from me as I neared. Oh well… guess I wasn’t as alone as I had thought…

And, well… just to mention it….On the way to the trail, I had see two groups of boys… Maybe it was one of their birthdays because 18 was written on the back window of the car. One of the boys was shirtless in a tiny little bathing suit and the other clothed… then a second pair of boys, one very tall boy with blond hair in short running shorts and another very short boy with the local high school emblazoned on their shirts… the short boy carried a shovel. It was odd and my thoughts traveled to time capsules and barried bodies… I still wonder about that shovel… maybe they were just planting a tree?

Tomorrow I will get up earlier and if I am unable to control that, then I will make sure to get outside and explore that secret path in the park and I will try again to set up the N64 or do something creative. I will attempt to get along better with Ben (this can go along with the “be the best sister I can possibly be” goal)... I might also work on my Thai scrap book… and try to Finish reading “The Sun also Rises” this will be a depature from my lazy summer days.