Lynli in Oregon is doing 27 things including…

Get Healthy Self-Esteem/Self-Confidence

76 cheers

 

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Lynli has written 9 entries about this goal

It's all about me and the power of no.

I am such a people pleaser. I knew I was to a certian extent but delving into hypnosis for my weight and talking to the counselor it has become clear that I am way in over my head. I have bent over backwards so long for so many people that they just expect it. They ask. They use the words favor and please but they expect it none the less. But here is the kicker. I have trained them to to do that. For some reason I feel guilty when someone else is inconvienced and I don’t help them. Even though they are the one’s who put themselves in that position. I have started to stand up for myself a little bit here and there. You know what happens? I get guilt tripped. I get crying, or told that I am being mean or unfair. Your life is so great and you can’t help out your family or friends.
I think about how old I am and where I am and I look at where most of my money and energy have gone. I am telling you the majority of it has not gone to me. So I am starting to be selfish. What will help me to stay motivated? Recalling instances when I ask for, beg or even offer to pay for help with seemingly simple things and I get answers like I don’t feel comfortable doing that (sending a time sensative fax). Um yea I guess..grumble (mail this for me, only to find it in their glove box months later). Can you come over and help me move or set something up (offering to pay for gas, lunch etc. only to have them show up hours late, throw things out that should not have been and then leave early, usually after lunch and asking for the gas money) Of course I have lost count of all the times that my car was borrowed with gas in it only to be returned with fumes hours after they said they would have it back to me. One time they were nice enough to leave me gas money in the car. Luckily the car started and I lived across the street from a gas station. Did I mention that I was almost late to work becuase I had to get gas or you know wait for them to return the car.

Yeah, I am a sucker. But I am learning. No one has borrowed my car in a long time, so I learned my lesson there. I am going to have to grow a thick skin. They will survive if I don’t lend them money. They will just have to not go out for drinks that week. Me moving out will not cause their grades to suffer because they are working overtime causing them to drop out of school. They already work a crazy amount of overtime. Their grades, happiness, work ethic,whether they can pay the electic bill this month are not dependent on me. It never should have been my responsibility.However my happiness, sanity and bank account balance are.

I expect to have some setbacks and to feel guilt but I know I am moving in the right direction. This small spark of self confidence just needs some kindling and a little air.
So from now on the majority if not all of my energy, money and foucus are all going toward me. If I am selfish so be it but I am tired of cowering and being miserable to support everyone else in my life and not getting even half of that support back. I am tired of not living MY LIFE.



Self Confidence

I think my self esteem is more an issue of self confidence. I am going to read up on how to improve my confidence.



More to this

I think losing weight will help with this a lot but I think there is something else. I catch glimpses of it’s shadow every once in a while. I am not happy. I am always trying to better myself which is not a bad thing but I think I hold this vision of what I am supposed to be and get mad at everyone and complain a lot when it does not appear. This is a very murkey area and I am not quite sure what it is but I know I have to stop complaining so much. Why am I so angry all the time. Why do I stop listening when people are trying to tell me something. of course it is something I don’t want to hear but I should still listen. Why am I afraid to hear I am not good enough no matter what I do. Why can’t I reach these expectations that I and others have for me. Why don’t I want to put in the effort after the initial burst of energy. Do I feel somehow entiltled. I hate that! What is that saying you always hate in others what you cannot see in yourself. I hate people who think I owe them something. Am I really like that. So many things going on in my head right now.



I want to feel better physically and mentally

I told my roommate that I wanted to lose weight and take care of myself physically this year. She agreed that she wanted to do this goal as well. I have gained weight in the last month or so and I feel terrible. I feel huge and uncomforable and I don’t like the way I look this heavy. I am finishing up on some other goals so this is going to be my main interest this year. I know how bad gaining a few pounds makes me feel, I just need to turn it around and think about how good I will feel once I lose a few pounds. I will feel really good about myself once I feel better physically and look better.



Quit procrastinating.

· In psychology, self-esteem reflects a person’s overall evaluation or appraisal of her or his own worth.
· How you feel about yourself – how you feel about who you are, the way you act, and how you look.
· The degree to which one values oneself. Also faith in oneself, pride, self-assurance, self-regard, self-respect, and vanity.
· A feeling of being pleased with, proud or confident of oneself.

I need to feel better about how I look have self-assurance, vanity and be pleased with or confident in myself most of the time to mark this goal off.
This means if I want to lose weight I have to do something.
I need to quit screwing around and just deal with it. If I am not physically hungry or I if I am eating because it feels good I am never, ever going to lose weight. That is why I am overweight now and that is why I always settle back to around the same weight after I have gained a few pounds. If I want this, really want this I have to do the work. That means quit working so much damnn overtime. Stop eating so much and lets face it I do(I just don’t realize it at the time) and go to the gym.
If I want to become more active I have to push myself farther. Make time to go to the gym! Walk farther!

Just Do It!!! Damn It!



Weight mirror

I am wanting to lose weight because that is really the last thing that I don’t like about myself. I know I should accept myself as I am but the truth is I like myself to much to remain like this. I want to be in better shape so I don’t wipe myself out doing simple things I want to do like going on a hike. I am not loving myself by keeping this weight on me. I realize I put it there for a reason and the more I learn to like myself and unearth the reasons I put it on in the first place the closer I am getting to having healthy self-esteem.
One more step toward accepting myself. I put a picture of myself on weight mirror.com. Now I realize this is not an entirely acurate idea of what I will look like but I realized that no matter how much weight I lose I am still going to have the same characteristics. The big cheeks, the broad shoulders, etc. At first I was disappointed but then I kept looking at the picture. I did not really look that bad. I am not going to look like some air brushed model but I will look damnn good. I have some really good features and so what if I don’t fit into the worlds idea of perfect. These characteristics are what makes me who I am and they are unique to me. The funny thing is the after pictures is how I see myself in my mind. I just have to get rid of the years of garbage I have been told and take care of myself. Doing this I will balance out at my natural weight.



Almost done with this.

I have accomplished all the things that I had on my list except one. It is actually more of an ongoing thing. I am continuing to take care of myself. I actually do like who I am, I accepted many things about myself. I have been working on the last step which is taking care of myself. I have made great strides in that. I do find that sometimes I am really good and sometimes I slack off on it. One of the biggest goals I have for taking care of myself is to lose weight. Now I know that might go against accepting myself as I am. Actuallly it doesn’t. I do like the person I am and even thought I feel that the person I really am is under all this weight I can still look in the mirror and see a lot of things that I like about myself. I actually stop myself from putting myself down a lot. I think that is a very good sign and huge progress.



What I need to do to have healthy self-esteem

Accept myself as I am
· Take care of myself
· Remind myself of my positives
· Remember that there is nothing wrong with me. I am wonderful as I am. Other people’s opinions of me are none of my business. Their opinion has to do with them, not me.

Appreciate myself
· Go over my list of what I appreciate or what others appreciate about me
· Add to my list
· Take care of myself; show gratitude for who I am

Let go of old wounds and Anger

· As long as I hold on to the feelings someone else’s actions or words caused me I am only hurting myself.
· Process the feelings
Ø Place the feelings with who they belong. It is not my fault they wounded me. They saw the opportunity to hurt and they did. The blame and the anger should be placed on them.

Ø Let the anger out. Go to a batting cage or something similar so I can feel like I am expressing anger instead of just running away.

Not be ashamed or embarrassed of who I am
This isn’t really about faking it till you make it. This is about not feeling ashamed when I have done nothing wrong. “No one can make you feel inferior without your permission” This means I will walk and stand with confidence. Why should I not make eye contact with people? If they don’t feel comfortable with me or they think I am below them. That is on them.

Taking care of myself
I am a wonderful, beautiful woman with a lot to give and who wants to live. Why would I not want to nurture her? Taking care of myself is the root of my self-esteem. It affects every step. If I don’t appreciate myself enough to take care of myself what does that say about how I feel about myself. It makes it easier to accept myself, as I am because I appreciate who I am. I am thankful for what I have (a working body, mind and reflexes). Taking care of myself will make me less susceptible to feeling shame or embarrassment.



Not quite done with this

· In psychology, self-esteem reflects a person’s overall evaluation or appraisal of her or his own worth.
· How you feel about yourself – how you feel about who you are, the way you act, and how you look.
· The degree to which one values oneself. Also faith in oneself, pride, self-assurance, self-regard, self-respect, and vanity.
· A feeling of being pleased with, proud or confident of oneself.

I am beginning to realize that I am worth more than the way I have let others and myself treat me in the past. I see lots of things about me to appreciate. I feel better about the way I look, I have more pride in the things that I do. I still could use some work in being confident in myself. I don’t always look people directly in the eye. Just yesterday as I was walking down the street I was passing by people and I looked down to the sidewalk. I also need to work on not feeling bad when I tell others what I need and they are not pleased that they are the ones that will have to bend. I also feel that if that I may not be strong enough to say no to some situations that I really don’t want to be in just to be accepted. I am almost there.



Lynli has gotten 76 cheers on this goal.

 

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