have a dream

was to buy a car that I chose, I haggled for, and that I loved. After many things falling into place, I finally made it happen. Although it took awhile to get the car that was right for me, it felt great! I am so happy with my decision to do this for me. It empowered me to be as knowledgeable as possible, get what I thought was right for the money, and doing it all on my own.

I feel like a kid with her first car! I’m the proud owner of a New Beetle affectionately named Bugaboo by my 3 year old. :o)

(by my DH) that I need to think about what type of job would truly make me happy. What would I like to do in my life? I was surprised to hear that, but he reminded me that we weren’t always going to be in the financial situation we are in now. We will get to a point where the amount I make won’t matter as much and I will be able to work at a job I love. (is that possible?) I know it is for my DH because he truly loves being a pilot. I don’t even know where to start, but by golly, I’m going to start asking myself what makes me happy and where I can work to encourage that!

So what would be an attainable dream job for me? That answer will have to come after a bit of soul searching. :o)

since I last wrote something. So sad. I guess I’ve let this one slide on by once again. This is no way to live – just allowing life to go by without truly enjoying it. I’m just not sure what to do to start making things happen for me. I realize how much I need to have dreams in my life. There has to be a way to achieve even the smallest of my dreams.

The dreams I’ve listed before really haven’t even been attained, much less thought about. Time to regroup and focus on how to make some of them happen…..

I had a brief amount of time this morning while the girls went to the park with their papa. Although I couldn’t go sit by the river, I sat out back in the sun and just let the moment soak in…

DREAM ~ an aspiration; goal; aim

I realized that dreaming doesn’t have to be big. It just has to be something that I want or a goal to attain. I’ve started a small list that I hope to start working on to make them happen.

~I want to live close to the sea.
~I want to grow old gracefully.
~I want to find a “job” that makes me happy.
~I want to travel and visit many places.
~I want to be more productive every day.
~I want to stamp and scrapbook more often.

Finally a start and that makes it easier to see that I already have a few dreams. I may not have one huge dream, but sometimes the smaller dreams are more attainable. Now it’s time to start working on making these happen.

and I still haven’t made this a priority in my life. I always let everything else become more important and this thought fades away where I tend to forget it is there. Even on my night off away from the children, I spend it with my hubby since we barely have time together. So I ask myself when do I really have time for myself? Only after the girls go to bed. I’m exhausted by then and not in the mindset to become a dreamer.

What I need to do is dedicate two hours of daylight time ;o) where I can go to a peaceful nature place (maybe by the river) and take my journal and just give myself time to think about what my dreams are. Maybe I can leave work early on the night my mom watches the girls. Now I just need to decide on the place and see if it will be possible to do this on Thursday!

Even in my sleep I don’t remember if I dream and it seems like such a sad place to be. I use to dream in both realities and I would often reflect upon them. I need to find a starting point to allow myself to find my dreams again. There has to be a way to achieve any hopes or desires that I dream up. There is still hesitation and almost a sense of “why bother” when it comes to having a dream.

I know this…
When I am near the beach I find myself hoping and dreaming of what ifs. When I am not stressed with taking care of the girls and playing referee to their constant bickerings, I think about how nice it would be to do something more. When I don’t let the trappings in life chain me to the ground, I can fly free and believe that the future can be bright. If someone asked me right now what my dreams were, I would still not have an answer.

I think right now I would have to say that all I think about is getting myself in a better place in life, away from feeling like a single parent; getting the girls to just get along 75 percent of the time; making good money to stop living paycheck to paycheck; and to do something that I truly enjoy while getting paid for it.

So perhaps from there I will find my dreams and make them come true.

It is hard to dream when all I feel are the trappings of my life. I feel like this world has left me behind and I don’t know where I fit in. How do you start finding your own dreams when for so long you’ve only given yourself to help others find theirs? Maybe I just need to start writing down all the things that make me happy, the things I’ve always wanted to do, and the places that call to me. Perhaps somewhere in there a dream will be born.

life becomes a monotony of drab. There is lifelessness and hope slides down to become hidden beneath it all. I am learning how much I’ve stopped living because I’ve put my life on hold for so long. I don’t even have a single dream right now, which is really sad.

It’s been hard to dream when I’ve felt so trapped in my situation. But it really comes down to how bad I want something. There is always a choice and I’m choosing to dream again.