In 2012, live like the person I've always wanted to be

My husband and I are participating in the National Walk for Epilepsy in Washington, DC, on March 31. This will be our first year, since we got sick last year. This is exceptionally important to me because of my daughter – and I’m making much more of an effort this year in my area to draw attention to the walk and also to educate people about epilepsy and seizures. I want to be more active in 2012.

I am realizing now that things I did several years ago, due to necessity and a really rough patch in my life with my husband, are causing big problems. If there is any chance to fix this, I have to become more assertive and express my concerns more clearly, and set some boundaries. It seems some things I did to help, to make things more bearable for all of us are now bad habits…sigh. And he’s too comfortable to realize that. Double sigh.

I’m stressed, fearful, and overwhelmed at the moment, but I can get a grip on myself, organize myself, and do what needs to be done. I’m smart, I’m strong, I have the courage in me that I need to face everything I have on my plate right now – I just need to keep repeating that until I actually believe it.

I’ve been trying harder to reach out to other women around me. I don’t tend to have very many friends, not close ones anyway, because I don’t tend to let very many people get that close. I’m trying to open up more. I need to set a good example for my kids – and really, I am realizing that I’m not as much of a loner as I used to think.

Last weekend, I had a coworker and her son over so that she and i could visit and her son could play with mine. That went great!

Today, I went to lunch with another coworker and discovered she’s as lonely as I have been. We had a great lunch and we are planning to do it again soon. She might be bringing her daughter over to play with my children as well. Yay for progress!