Quit Smoking

I have tried many times to quit, once i even quit for six months. It should be easy to look at this and say “this is killing me and i am paying to have it done”, but it makes no difference… i keep smoking. Is this a deeper seed of latent suicide on my part? Do i want to die horribly but am to chicken to do so? I just can not understand it. I get no enjoyment from it. Sometimes the taste makes me vomit. The idea that i may lose everything for this dirty habit breaks me down. I feel i am not strong enough for this and subsequently for any thing else.

I feel defeated every few hours when i lite up.