be a good wife

He had a seizure a few nights ago…he stopped breathing, his hands were blue. Waiting for the ambulance to arrive was the longest five minutes of my entire life. I realized how close I was to losing the most precious person I have ever known.

I’m dropping this goal. I no longer need to keep working toward it. He’s alive. I’m alive. I love him and he loves me. Good wife or bad, I’m his and he is mine. That’s it, there’s nothing more to say or work toward.

I’m being a good wife right now, as I write this. My husband is on the elliptical, exercising, because of me! We’re going to start working out together and challenging each other. We’ll have weekly weigh-ins, and track our food and exercising in a notebook. Then, once a week, whoever exercised the most total minutes wins something good for the body, like a foot or back massage, or something romantical ♥ hehe

That’s right. Spending time with the in-laws. I threw a huge holiday party yesterday for his family…We cleaned for two days and I baked and cooked and prepared for hours. I made special dishes for those with allergies and those who didn’t like meat. I decorated the house, lit candles, and made sure there was enough seating for everyone. Then I tried to be gracious and friendly and talkative to everyone. I even hugged them all goodbye and gave each family a gift to take home.

It was a lot of work, I won’t lie. And I probably tried too hard and looked like an idiot. But it was all worth it when, after everyone had gone, he gave me a huge hug and thanked me for all my hard work. I might even do it all again next year :)

Marriage is so hard at times, and I feel like I want to walk away and make a life for myself. We’ve only been married for a year and have gone through so much…when I think about it being like that, for every year for the rest of my life, I just want to give up. It’s too much work. But then I’m reminded how wonderful my future is going to be with him and I’m happy. I can’t imagine what I would do if he wasn’t in my life, cooking and cleaning with me, sleeping next to me, and exploring the world with me. My life would be much less sunshiney without this wonderful man by my side. So I stay, and we make this marriage work.

I have not been a good wife lately. I don’t know why. Sometimes I want to be selfish and only think about myself. But then other times I am sick of ME and want to focus on HIM. I need to find a good balance between the two. It’s pretty obvious we’re barely out of our first year of marriage. We both have a lot to learn.

My husband is not good with words. He’s just not. But there are times when he says the sweetest things…I think every woman has a phrase or a moment she will always remember; I call it our “Awwwww” moments. You know what I mean? Where you look at him and say, That is why I married you in the first place. Because of this.

I’m slowly learning that your husband is sometimes the only person who will be there for you. When push comes to shove, he will not budge.

My parents are moving halfway across the country, my brother has his own life, and my best friend just found a new best friend. My boss is quitting to take another job, and four of my five coworkers are going with her. Even my grandma found a new boyfriend to hang out with.

But when I feel alone, I just think about my marriage. My husband makes me so happy. We’re a great match… and I don’t think I could have chosen a better person to spend my days with. Honest.

I had to work Easter morning and afternoon, and when I came home I could smell the ham cooking all the way up the stairs. The entire house was spotless and the table was set up so pretty. My husband, who can’t even tell if a pizza is truly cooked, had started the ham and potatoes and cleaned the house! Knocked my socks off.

That’s when I realized, which led me to this entry: if I don’t want to be a good wife to a man like this, there are plenty of women who would. He treats me so well, I just want to do the same for him. Lots of love in our house right now.

He pisses me off sometimes. There are certain things he does… Like his driving..he’s a horrible driver. He bounces from the white line to the middle of the road and back again. He goes from 45 mph to 75 mph. He turns his head to look at a cow in the field and almost runs us off the road. He puts his arm around me and thinks it’s okay to drive with his wrist flopped over the wheel.

I don’t know if it’s me or what. I trust him with my secrets, my body, my dreams and my feelings. But when it comes to his driving…I tell you, there are times. There are times.

i’m taking the job. i’m not just doing it for him, but he is a large part of it. he’s 22 but works like he’s 50. poor guy. i need to contribute and i’m going to. so ha!