be in love

Hunter never cared.He showed his true colors a long time ago, but I was too stupid to see the signals. His lack of concern towards me makes me violent and angry. I can’t talk to him anymore. I was at a point where I thought are all men like this? All they want to do is talk about themselves? How important their life is? How dangerous their job is? It can’t be. So many other women have successful, meaningful relationships with men that actually work.
Little does hunter know that I started to talk to someone else. Since Hunter dropped the ball some one else decided to pick it up. We’ll see how this goes :)

I feel like that every move I make is being analyzed, in a very bad way. I have become so paranoid with this that I over think what I say and do before I say in do it so much that I wait for the right timing in everything. But is there ever right timing? I would like to know when did it become socially acceptable to not return a voicemail message of someone that you are seeing? It does not matter if this person is a friend, significant other, or a relative. I am from the school of if someone picks up the phone and calls, leaves you a message, and asks for you to call back, it is usually for a reason. Well Hunter never did that, he decided that working long hours, and being really busy was going to be an excuse. Hey, Im all about work, I choose work over friends and outings all the time. But not to find two minutes in a day to call, text, leave a email, thats just plain rude. Well I thought, fine, I am going to ignore him as well, 1 day went by, three days went by, five days went by, when the 6th day came I was ready to tear him a new one. In the process of all this happening I had read that book, “He’s just not that into you”, and boy did it devestate me. I decided not to listen to it and call him again, this time I left him a message that would make sure he would call me back. Well fine, you work alot, and maybe you aren’t sure how to handle a new girl in your life, let me tell you, this is NOT how. <- What I was thinking but did not say. Long story short, I may have a better insight into his life, and I get that he does have a busy life, but it may just be too busy for me. So for now, Im closing the doors of my heart for a while, I think my heart still needs to be protected from the elements. And when Hunter shows me that he is going to communicate more and share what is going on in his life, only then will the doors crack open again.

Well I had on my goals list for a long time “Get to know him”. Well “Him” was a guy in one of my classes during the fall semester. I really liked him. There was something about him that attracted me to him, he was very manly looking, he was rugged, but beyond that he was very helpful, and kind. Because of a strange turn of events I never was able to end the semester with him and say goodbye. But I had a strange feeling that I would see him again. And I did. We both had a class that ran at the same time on the same floor of the same building. It was fate. Well because of this we would see eachother. I really looked forward to that few minutes before class to talk with him. Well long story short, at the end of the spring semester, we exchanged emails, and the rest is history. We have been seeing eachother. I really do like him, but I have issues within myself that I need to solve before it can move along into anything stable or serious. Right now we are having fun and being light with it. And I think thats what I need right now. The last guy really fucked my heart up. I just need some time with a healthy friendship that can become a realtionship.