Be less shy

“Try to interact with the staff a little more. It is always going to be hard at reception due to your location to the others and your role doesn’t interact as much as the designers and account management.”

This is what the director said on my feedback, and we had another talk this morning on how I need to ‘interact’ more.

The problem is, I have nothing in common with my workmates. They are all older, richer and more attractive. When I worked in a supermarket, talking was easier because we were all equal. I’ve never been able to talk to people who are higher on the social ladder.

So is drinking more than you should. I went to a crowded club to celebrate a friend’s birthday. My lack of confidence gets the better of me so I sit in a corner (having made a couple of attempts to join in), convinced that ugly people have no right to be on the dance floor. Well, you would think that too when you hear so many people whinging about ugly people and the space they waste on the planet. Shortly after, I leave early.

The next night, I attempt to cook for a friend, fail miserably then bawl my eyes out because I have no skills.

Not a winning weekend.

It was all a mistake, that’s what happens when you eavesdrop. The account manager wasn’t talking about me at all. I feel kind of bad for making people feel sorry for me over nothing.
So my workmates aren’t evil, it was just my paranoia.

I just overheard our account manager tell someone on the phone ‘oh yeah we don’t have a very good receptionist’. Which is me.

Work is going really crap and I have a driving lesson afterwards which makes it even worse. I feel like the worst employee in the whole wide world. No one even wants my muffins. Life could be a whole lot worse.

Last night had a massive dinner at an all you can eat buffet. It was heaps of fun, but I can never predict when I’m going to be invited to those things so I still need to be proactive in asking people if they want to do things.

Still, it was progress because I managed to be my outgoing persona instead of the shy one. Some people know the shy me, others the outgoing one. When they see both versions, it confuses the hell out of them but that’s what shyness can be like – it can be situational.

Controlling the shy version is important because I’ve been told it sends the message to people to keep away from me, which is the opposite of what I want to do.

For some people last night wouldn’t have been a big deal but for me, having fun like that is so infrequent. Samba is tonight – last week it was terrible hope it’s better tonight.

To start with when I used this site, responses from people were few. Now there are a few more and it’s good to be talking to people! Such a suprise. I’ll be sitting at work and, ‘bing bing’ – you have a comment from someone on 43things!

I said that learning a language helped. I lied. Last night Portuguese went bad. I sat at the back of the room because I didn’t think anyone would want me sitting next to them. Then when someone asked me if I wanted to pair up, I froze and mumbled no. Most of the people have either been to Brazil or know a bit of Portuguese already. I know nothing. Seriously want to give up on civilisation. Being a hermit is looking really attractive.

Learning a language helps, as I had to sit next to someone and talk to them. Normally I am too scared to do this.