Post random thoughts, observations, and events of the day...

I can’t wait to be home. Where my roommate is not. Where people don’t think that 2 o’clock in the morning is an appropriate time to have people over. Or sing. Or loudly complain about the grade in the class that they never attended. Or do laundry. Where I can sleep through the whole night without medication.

Plus, on a more positive note, I’m looking forward to regular hugs! And decorating the Christmas tree. And baking Christmas cookies! And home-cooked meals. Where it’s very Christmas-y and I can sit down with my family.

“Oh there’s no place like home for the holidays!” Only today and part of tomorrow and one final to go! :-)

In talking to a friend today, we were talking about a variety of topics. He expressed cynicism about virtually every one that we talked about. I don’t know what it is, but cynicism seems to be around every corner. What in our world has made us so cyncial?

I know that I tend to err on the naive side of things, but that is mostly because I chose to. I like to see the world as a beautiful place, even when there’s ugliness around. Life’s too short to be so cynical. But why can’t other people see it quite like that?

What makes people so cynical? Is it too much exposure to life? Do we each have a naivety threashold that we can’t pass? After so much life, are we all destined to become so cynical? Why is that our defense mechanism? There are so many other ways to deal with stuff that I can’t imagine using cynicism. It makes a sunny day overcast and an overcast day a storm, just because we can’t see the best, only the worst scenario possible.

I can’t possibly become that cynical. After being around it for so long, I don’t know how to handle it anymore. I find myself responding more and more with happiness and laughter – while cynicism may be his defense machinism, laughter is mine.I don’t know that I look through life through rose-colored glasses, but I do think that I look at it through laughter-tinted ones. And that’s exactly the right shade for me.

It is October 15th. It is October 15th, and it is snowing outside. It’s kind of cool. But it’s still October. In what crazy world does this happen? It is already down comforter, hot chocolate, snow boots, and sweater weather. The only bad thing is that I love fall – light jackets and apple cider. ;-) I guess I’ll have to just combine the two this year!

Snow! In October!

This summer, I worked on a farm picking fruit and tending the stand. It was a lonely job – my ipod became my best friend. I spent up to 7 hours just by myself with my thoughts and my music.

The good news? I became very comfortable with my own thoughts and with myself. I spent so much time thinking that now, when I have to spend some time with my ipod and my thoughts, I have no problems! I spent 50 minutes today working out, and hardly even noticed it.

I never get bored with my thoughts anymore, which is good, because I think we should probably be pretty at home with ourselves – it’s the one person we never leave!

Have you ever noticed how the rain falls down? I mean not just the actual act of the rain, but the emotions associated with it.

Feel lonely? Yeah, the rain knows it. It makes you feel justified and like nature understands. It also makes you feel a little bit better in an odd way. Feel sad? Well, the rain knows that, too.

But other than the obvious emotions, the rain seems to know (and help) if you’re feeling disappointed, romantic, hopeful, sentimental, happy and spontaneous…

That’s one of the great things about the rain. It means so many things. As any good English student knows, when it’s raining in a piece of literature, it means something significant. The incredible thing is that you never know what that may be. And it’s the same way in life.

The rain washes away all bad feelings. The rain understands when you’re feeling down. The rain is hopeful and melancholy and understanding. The rain can be there when you just want to be sad or when you’re tired of being sad and want a change.

The rain is the great equalizer. Not only does it fall on everybody, but it falls on every emotion and understands and justifies every way that you’re feeling.

What an incredible, emotional, wonderful phenomenon!

Just some rainy day thoughts.

And here it is, the graduation speech I delivered at my high school graduation.

Friends, family, and guests, thank you for coming here today to support this class and what we have done. Class of 2009, congratulations! Congratulations on making it this far. The journey has just begun for us, and there is a lifetime of great things ahead of all of us. We all have our dreams and a new life to look forward to today.
Class of 2009, I have a challenge for you. Today, I want you to remember what it was like to be a five year old kid. Now, answer this question as the five year old you would have: “What do you want to be when you grow up?” Now, think of who you are right now. Answer the same question we’ve been asked hundreds of times this year: “What are your future plans?”
If you’re anything like me, those two answers are drastically different. What a difference thirteen years make.
When you were five years old, the world was without limits. If you closed your eyes and thought hard enough, you could fly. When people asked you what you wanted to be when you grew up, there were no limits. You might be the President of the United States or a world-famous singer. Your answer had nothing to do with money or challenges, but only with what you thought would make you happiest. What changed? Somewhere along the way, we started thinking within limits.
When people asked us what we wanted to be when we “grew up,” our answers became less exciting. Instead of dreaming big, we answered instead with what we viewed as realistic and reachable. These new “dreams” were things that we may or may not actually want to do, but were reasonable. Money and challenges and roadblocks became a part of our consideration with what we wanted to do with our lives. We forgot what it was like to dream without any limits.
The funny thing is that there can be no limits. No matter what anyone has ever told you or what you have told yourself, there are no limits. The one and only limit is the one that you place upon yourself. If you believe that you can accomplish anything and put your whole self into accomplishing it, you will. The opposite is also true. That’s the only limit there is – how willing you are to dream big and reach for that goal.
“A man’s reach should exceed his grasp, or what’s a heaven for?” Robert Browning wrote that, in his challenge to his reader to set his dreams outrageously high and then reach for them. He (and I) believe that dreams are meant to be set without limits and then worked for. Browning was challenging us not only to dream big, but then to stretch with all our might with our hands, our hearts, and our souls in order to reach our dreams.
Class of 2009, trust me here and close your eyes. Just for one moment on this day, dream. Dream about what will make you happiest. Dream about what will make you the best that you can possibly be. Most importantly, dream without limits. (Long pause.)
I challenge you to reach for that dream, that pure one without any limits. I challenge you to stretch as far as you can to accomplish that dream. No matter what your dream was, don’t let anyone, including yourself, tell you for any reason that you “can’t” accomplish it. Remember, the only limit on your dreams and accomplishing your dreams is the one that you set upon yourself. If you set no limits upon yourself, there are none. If you stretch and work to reach that dream and miss, well, then, that’s what your heaven is for; at least you will have no regrets and will have lived that dream. And who knows, you may just surprise yourself. Dream big and reach high. Thank you.

It doesn’t feel like it…maybe that’s because my life has been a whirlwind this year and I’ve been crazy buzy since forever. So an update for those who care!

After spending what felt like a million hours preparing for a musical entitled…wait for it…”Urinetown.” This play is a satirical look at a socialistic society. The rich extort the poor and force them to pay a ridiculous fee in order to use the bathroom. The play takes place as they begin to revolt. I played “Senator Fipp,” the transvestite corrupt senator who turns around just before he’s murdered by the angry mob.

After the musical, I spent 24 hours a day, 5 days a week working on English projects and papers and reading. I was up to my ears in work for my independent study and spent all of my waking hours writing poems (to be posted later) and blogging and such. The 2 days a week that I wasn’t working on English, constantly, I was hanging out with my love as much as possible.

Finally, I submitted all of my work and my love came home for the summer. Then I graduated. At the beginning of June, I walked in a cap and gown and delivered my graduation speech.

Since then, I’ve been going, going, gone all the time. I spent a week at the beach with my closest friends. I spent a day at PSU scheduling classes and gaining confidence about my future. I spent half a week at Knoebel’s Grove hanging out with my other set of closest friends and talking like I haven’t talked to people in months, with total honesty. I spent a day in Hershey Park and the rest of my time was spent working. (I have the infamously glamerous job of picking fruit in the mornings and selling fruit in the afternoons.)

Now my summer is still busy, but less so. I’m working and spending as much time as possible with my love. We’re using this summer as our escape and spending tons of time together. So far, it’s been the busiest, best summer ever. I can’t help falling in love with him every single beautiful summer day.

And now I’m back! My life hasn’t gotten less busy, but I realized how deeply, how intimitely I missed this site, sharing my feelings and talking to my friends here. I’m revamping my list and starting today!

...and one I’ve been using a lot lately.

Who would you invited if you could invite any 5 people to a dinner party (living or dead)? (I usually insert the idea that Jesus will show up about halfway through the party if you wish him to, and he doesn’t count in your five. I haven’t met many people who wouldn’t invite Jesus…)

My Five
Markus Zusak – I am the Messenger is one of those books that I can read time and time and time again. I’d love to meet this man who has such an incredible way with words and such a beautiful way of looking at the world.
Lord Byron – This is a fascinating, fascinating man. He lived so colorfully and fully and I would love to be able to talk to him.
Jimmy Buffett – Jimmy Buffett is one of those characters who I’d assume to have an endless array of fascinating, hilarious stories. Just from listening to his music, I’d love to meet him.
Sarah Palin – Regardless of my political views, I think that Palin is a fascinating, strong woman. She endured the wrath of the press in a way that no other person in my lifetime has (deserved or no). Sitting down to talk to her would be very interesting.
Walt Disney – He created an empire. An inspiration, a genius, a businessman, a creative mind…however you label him, I believe that he would be fascinating to talk to. Plus, I think he’d like to see some of the technology we’ve cooked up since his death. ;-)

So…who would you invite?

In any given day, I cannot even count the number of times that I hear, “I just guessed!” or “I didn’t study for that.” It seems to be an emerging trend with my generation that we actually strive to be less than we can be. Instead of working hard to achieve the grades, the relationships, the job, the college, and the life that we desire, we settle for less than that for some reason. The kids who do work hard to get what they want are continually making excuses. When someone gets an A on a test, he claims “I didn’t even study for that!” Is it a way for us to seem cooler because we get what we desire without any effort, or is it a way for us to avoid the accusing stares and sly remarks? Or are we just flat out afraid of success?

A fundamental question: What is there to fear about success?

Success is a little scary – it raises us to heights that we never fathomed. It forces us to discover a way to become even better than we currently are. It challenges us to not stop and to continue to climb higher.

Ridiculing people for their successes is one of the most ludicrious scenarios. Why waste the energy to make fun of someone for their success instead of putting that energy towards our own goals? On the flip side, why do we fear those people who mock our success? Why not stand up and proclaim, “I worked hard for this! I did my best, put in my time, and it paid off. I succeeded, and I am proud of that. I deserved it.”

We owe it to ourselves to do this.

I challenge everyone out there – stand up for your successes. Be proud when you have worked hard and work as hard as you possibly can to give everything you can to yourself.

We only live this life once. Live the life you deserve, and be proud of it! Don’t allow others to keep you from being your best. Even more importantly, don’t allow you to stand in the way of being your best. Strive to be better than your best.

=)

Flying is something that plays with the imagination. Gravity won’t allow us to fly; it is a physically impossible task. Even with airplanes and rocket ships, flying is just something that we will never be able to do.
But what if we can? What if there is a way to fly? What if there is a way to leave all of that earthly weight behind and just soar?
There is a place up there, where the air is “the same that the angels breathe.” Where possibilities are endless and there are no limits, where thinking is easier because you are breathing with the angels.
What if those limits (or lack thereof) were actually everywhere? What if those limits were our reality?

And what if we just made them that way? If we created our world so that those were our laws and flying was our norm?

The limits are endless. That’s the world we live in.

_{Life, what a trip! One minute you’re born, the next you die. Then, one day, you stand back and say:“Aye yai yai! Was that ever believable, or what?! First I thought I was this and then I thought I was that, then I became this and then that. Hold on now, why are you looking at me like that? Wait a minute… OHMYGOSH! There was a pattern! Holy cow! You mean I could have thought anything… and been anything?! But what about limits? How could that be? What do you mean pie in the sky? Dreams come true? Infinite possibilities?”Fortunately, there’s still time…The Universe}