make love more often

I think making a conscious decision to do this has really helped. We’ve made love a few times in the five days since I added this goal. And the days that we haven’t actually had sex, we’ve at least been able to be more physically close-kissing, cuddling, etc. He’s become more aware of what I need to get past the affair, and I think me starting to become physical with him again has been part of that. He said that he felt like I was punishing him by witholding sex-that’s not what I intended, but I can see how it would come off that way. I’m just super excited to feel like a couple again, instead of roommates.

There are a few things stopping my partner and I from having the kind of fantastic sex life we used to. First, I’m on a really bizarre combination of medications that don’t necessarily decrease my sex drive itself, but sometimes have other side effects that result in my feeling too tired or just generally cruddy to make love. Second, we’re still rebuilding from him having an “affair” (I don’t like to use that word, but I guess that’s what it was) with a woman online. There was no physical contact between them, but the emotional and “cybersex” aspects of it were devastating. Most of the issues there have been sorted out, and we’ve rebuilt a huge amount of trust, but this is the last major stumbling block. Becoming regularly intimate again would be a huge help for us, but it’s also been the hardest part of this process. I’m going to start by aiming for once a week. That seems like so little, considering that before his affair we did it nearly every day, but it’s a start.