remember that I am not alone

Lonliness truely is a terrible feeling.
I feel so alone right now.
I have a wonderful loving family,
many great friends who look out for each other,
but the one person I long for, isn’t by my side.
God , I havn’t felt like this ever.
And I don’t know how to deal with it.
I can’t help feeling so lost and so alone it’s untrue.

The one person I have met in years that have literally made me smile at the most lowest points,and made me feel super, after I grew the guts to tell her how I feel, has let me down and said shes not feeling there yet. wicked! This is a major blow to my self esteem, confidence, and overall outlook on life. I feel like shit now, and like I will never get anywhere in life. I’m really crushed by this and think I’m really Really going to be alone….

OK, don’t know why I’m documenting this but I think this is funny…...

OK, so I met a girl last sunday night (Easter Sunday/Manchester United beat Liverpool FC 3-0, so I was best pleased and slightly tipsy!)

We shared a kiss and phone numbers and she seemed really keen which I was pleased about as I thought she was great and really good looking, not that that has anything to do with it. She was hilarious and a right laugh and was a breath of fresh air. So we agreed we’d see each other again.

So I left it a few days. Yes, I’ve seen the film Swingers. 3 day rule. Well it was tuesday when I texted her and said how much fun Sunday was and if she fancied it, I’d take her out somewhere again.

No text back.

I wondered….

It was clear I had be binned.
Fair enough!

But on Friday I receieve a text off her saying she had fun but she’s got loads of things going on at the moment and a man isn’t on the top of her list as priorities at the moment.

Fair enough I thought. I don’t know what goes on in her life, maybe shes dealing with something really bad, I don’t know, but we left it there.

So I was out down town last night (Sat) with my good friend and his girlfriend and we’re doing shots of vodka at the bar, when I look up and guess who the hell is down at the other end of the bar…

Her.

Shit.

This was not really a place where there was a slight chance of bumping into her, plus I thought she’d be at home problemsolving!
She was out with who looked very much like a boyfriend. Kissing, hugging, laughing etc… so I made the point of making sure she seen me, which I know she did.
So I laughed and told my mates what had gone on.

I later that night after a few more pints I think it’s a good idea to text her and it read something like ‘oh I hope you’re problems cleared up, it certainly looked that way in the bar tonight’.

To which in the morning I recieved a text back saying ‘So Sorry, I should have told you but found it hard’ rubbish.

Damn, I got played! I got used. I feel dirty.
But nice!
Haha, you’ve got to smile!

Sometimes I feel so alone.
People think it’s easy being footloose and fancy free but I think it’s hard!
Single life can be lonely, especially when nearly all of my mates have girlfriends and they hang around all the time.

I also need to remember that the big man upstairs has a plan and everything happens for a reason. I just need to stay believing.