try and fix the rift between my families

I woke up on sat and for some reason I felt the need to ring my aunties/uncles/cousins in Ireland. I spoke to them and it felt good. really good, now I am not afraid of calling at their homes when I go over shortly. ;-)

I havn’t been over to Ireland since the Oct of my uncle’s funeral now, mainly because it’s so expensive these days with the euro, but mainly because I’ve been working solidly, but enough of the excuses. I met with my brother in London last week and we agreed to arrange a roadtrip there to visit our family. He hasn’t seen them in years and years so it will be major family building when this happens. Just waiting to book the flight tickets….

The next morning, me and Tom got up early had showers and my aunt made us a big traditional irish breakfast. The works!!! I borrowed Tom’s car and visited both my uncles and my aunt who had lost her husband. I kept my promise. I spent a little time with each of them and we had a nice talk. As I left each of them, we hugged and I was told to call when I was over next. I promised I would and I will. I visited the graveyard just before we left for Dublin. I said goobye to my uncle once more, and I also said hello to my granny (his mother) and my good friend was died eariler this year. I liked the fact they were all buried so close to each other. It was comforting. I made a phone call to my cousin who had been ill with the stomach cancer. I had a great time chatting to him and his lovely wife the night before. He has four kids – all of whom are brilliant – and I was particularly happy meeting his youngest son who he called Dylan! Bob Dylan is a fav of mine. I wish him luck with the treatment and said I’d keep in touch with him. It looks really promising for him at the moment – touch woood, and we are all really hopefully he’ll be ok. I pray he does and I know he will.
So me and Tom headed off on our 3 hour drive to Dublin with Mr Elliott Smith on the cd player for company. It rained all the way up, and we got there an hour early, so we parked up, and walked to temple bar. We had one last pint together.One for the road…and one for the ditch…as my uncle would say. I thanked Tom for what he had done. He said it was no problem and I’d have done the same for him. I said I would if I had a car, but even there I’d steal one for him! We laughed and caught the ferry back to England. I had no moblie signal, but when we got to Holyhead a voicemail came through. I was from my cousin Vinny (Yes, like the De Vito film) wishing me a sfe journey and not to be a stranger to his home in Dublin. I had promised the night before-after a belly full of guinness, that I would visit and stay a weekend in Dublin with him and his family.Which I will do.
The visit was a success and I think many bridges had been mended. Some still need some restoration but I think at least more than a start has been made. Now I jst need to figure out how to get my mum and dad involved with all of this. This family needs to be a unit again becasue i have lost five years of them , and it was upsetting to see all the little cousins who I played with as a kid, all grwon up, going to school and college. I have missed to much but I intend to get some of it back right now. The journey to Ireland made me realise how lucky I was, lucky to have a best mate like Tom, lucky to have a family that care – on both sides, even if I though one didn’t. I know the truth now. I have the mobile numbers of some cousins over there now, and I really should make an effort to stay in touch and ring them. In fact, I’ll say hello this weekend…...

The church was absolutely packed and there was no where to sit. So we both stood at the back with other men who were his friends. The service was really lovely, moving me to tears at times.It was a weird feeling at first, seeing all my family sat up at the front of the church – all together. But, I felt more comfortable to be stood in the shadows. The graveyard was the hardest part- as it always is. saying goddbye for the very last time. It was a horrible day. The wind was strong and the rain was heavy. A typical Galway day, the atlantic blowing from the west. I stood on my own. Rain beating down. Many people had umbrellas, or were sheltering under a friends. I stood there for half an hour whilst the burial went on. I just felt so sorry that it had came it this. My mother was devested she couldn’t be there. It was wasn’t the time nor the place because emotions would be running high and she didn’t want to cause any trouble. I felt so sorry for her that they never spoke before he died. It was hard standing there alone. I just wanted to go and hug my aunt and my cousins who had lost their father. But I couldn’t just walk over. So I stayed put until the end. The people trickled out leaving the graveyard. Suddenly I saw a lady making her way over to me. It was one of my aunts who had recognised me. She came over with opens arms as I couldn’t hold back the tears any longers. And she put her arms around me. She led me over to the rest of my family where I was welcomed and greeted. I will never forget it. I didn’t expect that I would come over and expect everything to be forgotten and to be sweet and rosey, but for that moment it felt like I had got back my family again. My aunt (the wife of my uncle who died) hugged and kissed me and thanked me for coming. She and my cousins invited me back to the local pub for food and drink and a chat. I knew I had come this far – I could not decline this invition. So I sat in the car with Tom – who had been brilliant by coming all this way with me. I tried to gather composure and pull myself together. It had been a tough moment to deal with, as it was so many people at one time.
So went went back to the pub to see them all. The welcome was warm and I felt genuinely wanted there. My aunts and especially my two uncles were delighted to see me. One of my uncles said something to me that I will never forget and it brought a tear to my eye. He said when he realised it was me who was stood on his own in the rain at his uncles funeral, he was very proud to be my uncle. I felt like I was at home again. I would spend so much time with these people growing up, that to think I nearly didn’t have them in my life anymore was upsetting. I had a nice time with my cousins, chatting about the old times, and catching up. trying to remember all the names of there children was a nightmare. it seems having children is a pastime in my family. They all seemed to have 3 or 4 children each. 15 pints of guinness later and it was time for home. My cousin happily drove us back to my other aunts house where we were staying. Before I left, my aunts and uncles asked me to visit them before I went back the next day. I said I definately would. My uncle always looked after me when growing up, I helped him out on his farm and in return, me and him would sneak off for a pint after milking the cows. I’ll never forget him. Even though it was a very sad day, saying goodbye to my uncle, I was extremely happy at getting my old family back. It was a shame something so stupid got in the way in the first place.

On sat 14th Oct 06’, my uncle sadly passed away with cancer. I was stuck in Leeds, with my pals having a night out for one of my best buddies as he was shortly being shipped out to Iraq for 6 months! – Damn you Blair – anyway, It played upon my mind all weekend, and I was deeply saddened by the news. I had only seen him a month earlier and he seemed in good spirits, but as I said, he was sat there smoking and I knew if he was smoking then he knew himself that the damage was already done and it was only a matter of time. My mum and dad were very upset as he was my mum’s brother, and he and my dad were very close friends. But they knew they couldn’t go over for the funeral as they felt not welcome, and also diodn’t want to cause any sort of trouble by being there. It wasn’t the right time for reconciliation for all.
I was pondering all weekend about going over for it. How would i get there, could I afford it, what would happen, what would be said, would I be wanted ther etc etc…
the funeral was on Tues morning at 11:30, it was now monday evening around 6pm and I was sat in front of the computer. Time was running out. I checked flight times. There were non that would get me over in time. The only possible way of getting across to ireland would be a 3 hour drive to Holyhead in Wales, get the ferry for 3 and a half hours to Dublin, then another 3 hour drive to galway. It sounds simple enough, but I dont even have a full license, let alone a car. So I couldn’t hire on.One of my best mates rang to see how I was – just by co-incidence, I knew he would come. He jumped at the chance to drive, and took two days holiday off work. We drove all through the night and morning, and got to church for 11:20. Just made it in time.

For reasons unknown to me, I suspect they’re stupid, little, silly ones, my family has been torn apart on my mothers side. My immediate family has been disconnected with my mothers side, and i don’t know exactly why. I know when my granny (my mum’s mother) died, this is when it all went pear shaped. I know it isn’t to do with land or money, because she had none to give. This family rift has really upset me, beacause we used to go over in the six weeks holidays every year, and spend all our time with them.No, I havn’t seen my family for 5 years- since the funeral of my gran. I think bridges have been rebuilt but many many more has to be built and not by me but by my mum and dad. I have done my best with this matter. A month ago, my other granny (my dad’s mother) died sudedenly in Ireland. So we went over to the funeral. While over there, we go news that my uncle (my mum’s brother who we havn’t spoke/seen in years) had cancer and was in a bad way. I was devestated to hear this as I was really close to him growing up, and I still knew I cared for him and had time for him. So I went to visit him. He didn’t have a clue who I was- and why would he? he hadn’t seen me in 5 years and was never expecting a visit. My auntie and uncle were taken back by the visit and I think the reception was frosty at first. But after a cup of tea, and a chat, tthe atmosphere was a little more warmer and although I wouldn’t say welcoming, the mood was lighter. We discussed my uncles condition and treatment. Although he seemed optimistic about it all, I watched him sit in his chair and light up 3 cigarrettes, one after the other. Surely not the best thing to be doing for a man with lung and liver cancer.I had a horrible feeling it may be the last time I would see my uncle. I left with the promise I would be back soon to visit again, I’d be over in Ireland for my gran’s month mine mass, so I’d make sure I’d go and see him then. Also…its never rains but it pours….my cousin who also I haddened seen in 5 years, had stomach cancer. This was unbeievable as he had a lovely wife and four kids at home. He is 33 years old, and I began to wonder what the hell God was doing up there! I knew it was me, who had to try and help the family rift heal, as things had got way out of hand, and even though I knew it looked bad that I was concerned now that people had illnesses, I knew that it maybe needed something like this to happen, to make us all realise how stupid people were being and that life is precious and way to short!