Sooo, my neighbors are moving out. The girl who lived directly under me already left, and I was feeling nostalgic because of that. I suppose I grew accustomed to the noises of her presence, even though I didn’t particularly enjoy hearing them. What riled up the most, is that we never really got to know each other. To think I never approached the pretty thing who’s been living underneath me for 2 years is pretty depressing.
Then one day I was in town, and I saw this gorgeous girl walk by. It was someone from my class in High School, but I just couldn’t remember her name and it really ate me! That night I laid in bed, still thinking about what her name would be, but I just couldn’t remember! I started thinking about all the girls I had ever met, and felt a strong urge to create a huge list of all the pretty ones, so I would never forget their names. The next morning I started working on that list, and wrote down a bunch of names. Then I went on facebook with a fake account I once made to get a stupid achievement on Steam. I did this so I could find names and girls I had completely forgotten about. Also, I wanted to collect thumbnails to go along with them, so I could tell who they were.
If I really don’t want to forget about these girls, then why not make a facebook account and keep in contact? Simply put; Facebook limits my initial idea. Still, I can’t shake the feeling that this is being a bit stalkerish. I’m far from proud about my actions, so why did I bother writing about this in the first place? To answer that question; in the midst of nostalgia something cool happened which I didn’t think to be possible at first. Seeing how people’s lives divulged so maturely made me feel really old, but on the bright side, I felt a sense of correspondence. Watching these people from afar gave me an opportunity to observe how their lives played out without worrying about representing my own! Suddenly I realized my life turned out better than I had always thought.
Collecting things seems like a pretty good cure against my moodiness. Anyway, there’s something else I realized. There’s this old fear I had from when I dropped out of highschool. At the time, I was afraid to always stay at the age of 13, while everyone I went to school with grew up to be older than I am. It may sound ridiculous now, but in a way, it is very realistic, albeit in prosperous terms. That’s why I’ve always been wanting to proof myself to others, but talking about my achievements made for awkward conversations and made me feel more vulnerable. For example, there’s an old bandmate whom I talked to about my own songs. I tried coming across as impressive, but went home feeling depressed. These topics are horrible conversation makers. I go with trivial topics these days. Fuck status.
Also, there’s this guy I know at the autism center. His ADHD, horrible sense of humor and simplemindedness made his presence into a peeve at the time. He started traveling the world all by himself about a year ago and came back a few days ago. I saw him for the first time in ages. He had a tan and grew a beard. Nothing changed much about his personality, but I really look up to him now. Apparently he went to New Zealand, Australia, Thailand, Malaysia… Possibly even more. Yep, this guy is awesome.
Oh, and I met my new neighbor. He’s… odd. The rainman/schizotypical type of odd. I finally got to see how big the place beneath me is too, and I’m thinking it might be smaller than mine. The privacy is pretty bad too. I suddenly feel real lucky to be living up here!
One more thing. When I looked up one of the girls back from my psychological hospitalization days, I found out she was on some tv show about dramatic stories in 2009. Knowing I was there during some of the drama that played out in her life was a pretty special realization. It was a really sad story, but luckily it had a wonderful ending. I’m glad I found it!