have another baby

and we’re looking at another August baby.

We’ll be lining up a midwife and (possibly) a new OB/GYN after the new year.

Stunned but excited!

(and glad we didn’t give up completely)

but since we have stopped trying, it will be a wasted egg (and with my luck, probably the first viable one in months).

It would be nice to know that our life will soon get back to a point where I feel safe bringing another child into this family, but it is going to take some doing on DH’s part to convince me of that.

In the meantime, I will try not to spend any mental or emotional energy on someone (my daughter) that I can’t have in my life. My husband will say that I am being defeatist, but that is exactly how I feel.

I will be putting this goal down at the bottom of my list, and will bring it back if our plans change.

Another “good” score on this cycle’s chart, but no conception. Each period makes me a little more discouraged. I worry that we’re conceiving and losing nonviable combinations. We can’t afford major interventions, even if fertility doctors would see us now. I’m trying to be happy for my little sister and for my friend up north, and I should probably be grateful that this gives me one more month to stabilize my son’s toilet training… but it still hurts.

My doctor and I went over the lab results, and my hormone levels are within the normal range, so I can rest easy in regards to that aspect.

We’ve pretty much skipped this month, so, it’s try, try again in a few weeks.

I also bought another 90 days for an upgraded account on Fertility Friend.

there was ovulation,
there was… activity,

and I still got a BFN.

But AF is here AND I’m nauseous; not fair.

I have an appointment with the nurse practitioner on June 4th, as my hormone levels are “iffy.”

we didn’t get pregnant on this round. So, we try, try again. Next due date (if successful) will be sometime around my little sister’s birthday.

and I’m trying hard to not obsess about testing on Monday. I’ve had a little nausea on and off the past few days, but I can’t be having symptoms this early.
Can I?
The charting software puts my (potential)due date at Jan 2, so it’s just possible we’ll still have ourselves a bundle o’tax deduction by the end of this year.

and I have a good idea of when we need to “do our thing.” I hope that my husband will be willing to get with the program and not pick fights while we’re supposed to be getting closer, so to speak. I’m getting tired of missing out on a chance for a daughter because he doesn’t want to move forward and be grateful for what’s been an improvement in our lives.

According to the online charting program I use, we didn’t time our “actions” right, so we will likely miss out on having our baby this year. We weren’t actively trying for a holiday baby (due date would be December 8), but having that extra tax deduction would have helped a little.

Another evaluation that the site mentioned is that my luteal phase varies widely and that I might want to talk to my doctor about it. Do OB/GYNs perform low-level fertility treatments (say, just hormones)?

I didn’t believe the temp drop and rise on Day 11 of my cycle, so we didn’t do what was necessary for a November baby. Here’s hoping DH and I stop fighting about something I know we can get over, and we can try for a March-December pregnancy.