get out of the house more

As I said in my previous entry, it is still hard but not as hard as before.

This week I need to go to the post office. Tomorrow I think I might do that cause we need groceries.

I wrote an entry one year ago.
Lots happened. The Lexapro made it worse. I had to quit them. a few months later another doctor gave me Prozac. Then we discovered it seems I am allergic to these kind of meds. Lots of side effects even months after I’d stopped taking them so I am off the A.D.
It is still a fight going out the door but once I am on my bike I feel good. It is just the step of going.
I try to go at least every week and sometimes twice. More often twice so it is a bit better.
I just have to accept I will never live a normal life and life will always be a struggle for me.

Yes I am back on the anti depressants.
I did not know I was depressed. I did notice how much anger I had in me, everyday I woke up angry.

I had to go to a psychiatrist and he told me he thought I was depressed. (He was the third in 1 month, including 2 other doctors)
I told him I wasn’t but he did give me a receipt for lexapro.
He also asked me if I still enjoyed the things I used to do. I said yes.

Back home I was still angry and not planning to take them.
Once my anger was gone I started to realize. I just bought a new game Final Fantasy, which I had to wait 2 years for, and I can’t be bothered to play.
When I am on the computer I don’t know what to do.
Watching TV or my favorite TV shows, I am not really interested.
Then it dawned me, the man is right.

O I can’t tell you how hard this was to swallow. Instead of reducing the meds I am taking right now, which was the reason I visited the guy, he advised me to go on lexapro.

It has been 14 days now. It feels like it is not working yet, but I have to give it at least 1 month.

When life is going like shit, I tend to withdraw myself from everyone. Nobody knows that I am back on these meds,not even my daughter. My coach does though but I feel very alone.
yesterday I decided to tell Karen an online friend who emailed me asking how I was doing. I am glad I did, she understood.

The last 2 days I have been writing on this site, so at least I am not as bored as before and I am sharing a bit of how I feel.

Yes It is still a struggle but compared to 18 months ago lots has changed in my life.

I stopped taking anti depressants. They did not help anyways.

This year 2006 was another tough year. I discovered that my hy-droid gland was working to slow, that I was in meno pause, way to early and just learned I am suffering from irritable bowel syndrome, but one thing changed.
*I am going out dancing every Friday!! * :)

The first time my sister and cousin asked me I hated to go. it took me 2 days to look a little bit decent. The second time it took me only one day. Good hairdresser, lol.
Now I am looking forward to the Fridays instead of dreading having to leave the house.

I am planning to have a very good 2007! It is about time!!

I have no energy at all.(depressed and taking medication for years now but not really helping out a lot)) and I am behind my computer most of the day or read my books.
The summer is coming and my first goal is to at least sit in the garden more.Take a book with me. Next one would be to work in the garden or just walk through the neighbourhood (with my 3 cats behind me :-) ) step 3: visit my parents who lives 3 minutes biking away from me.
step 4 goal do nice things with my daughter or alone. visit cities, beach and stuff