The thing that scares me most about relationships, unlike many people, isn’t rejection. often times I feel like rejection would be a relief so I can be free to do whatever I feel like. What really scares me is finding someone, getting stuck with her, and getting sick of her.
I mean, I know myself I know I get bored with things easily, I know why I don’t make plans too far in advance, why the thought of immortality isn’t the least bit intriguing to me but instead a little sickening, and why I rarely finish novels. I know Ive gone through hundreds of crushes in my life time always a “she’s cuter” or a “she has a better personality”. But the thing is, when you drop a book there’s no consequence, with relationships things are different it turns out to be a person you’re discarding as if it was worthless. . .not because you don’t like it, just because there are other things to do. And you cant just break up with someone just cause there’s this really hot chick in your English class. right?
It really doesn’t help hearing councelors and pastors and whatnot talk about marriage and the horrendous ways esay are necessary to get through it (one guy even said you have to have sex even if neither of you really feel like it, because it’s your duty as a spouse). Neither does hearing people talk to teens and young adults about why they don’t need to get married so soon and how difficult it is. They say all this stuff about having no freedom it’s like living with your parents all over again (which I still haven’t stopped doing). No one ever says what’s good about marriage in the first place if there’s no point in marriage, then what’s the point in dating. A lot of people put a bunch of emphasis on sex but honestly, if you need an orgasm that bad, why not just masturbate? at least that way you dont have to worry about how good you are, how good they are, or trying to think up a conversation afterward.
I guess what I really need is someone who can convince me there’s nothing to worry about, some one who can make me feel like I wont want to leave her for something better down the road. . .whether it be another woman or climbing mount Olympus. Someone who makes me feel like time is better spent with her than alone. . .but I can barely even imagine such a thing.
