record my dreams

I dreamed I had a fight with my sister. It was very early in the morning, we both wanted to use the same shower. I told her she has the other one. We have two showers and she always showers in the other one. I had to my driving lessons soon so I really had to go in this one! She didn’t want to listen, acted mad, started to scold on me. She was extremely unreasonable. Het words were full of hatred and that she would do what she wanted anyway. I was not strong enough to have this verbal, mental fight with her. I threatened that I would call mum. She couldn’t care less.
I was very very frustrated. I woke up with a frustrated feeling.

I am on vacation. I don’t know where, it could be Morocco. I don’t know with whom I am. Maybe I’m not even on vacation but hold captive there, in some sort of strange way. I’m always in a small group, 5 to 6 persons. I meet a man, he is the uncle of a boy of my age, I think he is from morocco. I start to talk to him; he happens to like he same things as I do. He aboviously takes a liking in me, which I think, is quite inconvenient, but yet we are much alike, so I keep talking to him. He talks about the Netherlands too, and I miss it so much, I wish I was there again, out of this captivity. Later he’s gone – back home. With the same group we’re walking through loose sand. It’s crowded. At some point, I see two girls kissing. Nobody really notices it and it strikes me to see that here, in a place where kssing in the first place is absolutely not done. Then I see it is Theresa, one of the volunteers in Thailand. I never expected this! Later I’m sitting with someone, a boy, in the sand. He gives a book to me – fromn the man, probably it was his uncle. I read in it – he writes that he likes me and blablabla. I feel kind of stupid, to get such a thing from such a man.

Later I’m somewhere else. I think it’s Japan. This time it’s more like a vacation, and I know more people (from the 10 I know about 2 people) I’m with a friend, we’re in a shop. It’s dark and small. I’s some sort of a shed, standing on a hill. There’s alot of wind. Stormy weather.

Later we’re going to sleep in a large room with twinbeds. Somebody is talking about ghosts. That there is a ghost here, alot people confirm that. The whole atmosphere is right for a ghost to be there. I notice another friend, call him. He comes to me, happy to see me. He is quite touchy, I have to push him away. The next morning, when I go downstairs, I see him sitting in my livingroom (in my real house). I go sit next to him. Outside the weather is strange still. Not natural. It’s stormy , with snowfloks falling now and then.

Okay.. I have to admit I stopped for a few days. Shew – I should be more disciplined! But however,

My latest dream;

I’m with friends. We are at some place – something like school – doing something I can’t remember. I feel much younger than I am now.
Later – It’s dark. Evening, I think. It’s a winterevening. I’m walking through wet streets while it’s snowing, not much though. I’m with my best friend. He’s holding my hand. We’re in a town or village. Everything is peaceful. The evening, the snow, the wet streets, the streetlight,- a dark yellow/orange/amber colour, his hand in mine. I feel a bit like a child, very light-hearted; without worries, without past, without future. It’s just the happiness of that moment.

TThe day before yesterday I had some stupid dream about being chased and blood and being oppressed and non-natural things.
Yesterday/Today I dreamed the following:
I am in the Stadsschuur in Middelburg, where I still live. When I want to enter I see to old people entering. I don’t understand, but then I realise it must be the grandparents of Denise, my housemate, who were going to stay there with her mother for a week. When I enter I indeed meet her mother. Later, really clean healthy water when everything was still the Amazon jungle with Indians and stuff, but that – with the city life it has become so polluted. I’m nevertheless swimming through it – I have no idea how else I could come where I need to go. The water also feels a bit thick – like water that is mixed with something else. There might be some slick in the water – and eels and stuff. The buildings next to the water are very high and grey. While I’m swimming, I end up in several different canals. You have to jump or go with the stairs sometimes because there is some difference in height sometimes. The water must be very deep. Everything is artificial and square-ish, not natural really. It’s really the city. There aren’t many people. I meet a young mother with a very very tiny baby. I think the baby is maybe as small as a little doll or a big rat. The woman is bathing the baby in the dirty water. She herself is in it as well. She greets me very warmly and we talk – as if she knows me. Later I realise it must be Sanne. I swim on and finally reach my destiny. A tall and small building. While I walk the small stairs water is all dripping of me. I don’t have such things as a towel and am still wearing my bathing suit. It’s quite inappropriate. Everything is decorated with velvet, dark red as a basis with in the middle lighter green and gold and it’s dark with old lamps. It’s a bit the victorian/gothic style. I climb the small stairs and after a sharp bend I’m at the reception desk. There is a man before me; he’s wearing a long grey/brown coat and a hat – like a detective. Before it’s my turn the woman at the desk – also a bit antique – screams ‘fire’. Fire is coming from behind the black swing doors behind her – where I have the feeling I needed to go.
I feel a bit weird. I’ve been swimming all this way – through all the water – when I’m stopped by this fire. It is a contrast. The whole area feels supernatural in the first place. This is not a coincidence.

I didn’t write entries for this for some days because I was very very ill. I still am a bit ill… But well – I slept – and dreamt – a lot during my illness. Too much too tell – but something with elevators and grasshoppers.

The last dreams I can remember were the following:

I am in the train with my mother. We’re going to Nijmegen (city) to have a dinner in some fancy restaurant. Just to relax. I think the rest of my family were in the train as well – in the beginning – we had some trouble with tickets and ov. I was worried about it. But then it turned out to be fine – and it were just my mother and me. Outside it was clouded, very dark, as if a huge storm was going to come. Inside, the train was old and gray – completely dark gray – very depressing. I was sitting next to my mother, the train was quite ful. After some time, my mother suddenly wanted me to wear the upper part of my promdress – which I refured. We had a fight about and we almost torned it. I was very upset. Then it turned out that we probably missed our station because of the fight. We weren’t sure but I was very upset because we didn’t know where we’d end up now – probably somewhere in Germany. It would be night soon. I went somewhere else in the train – didn’t want to be there any longer. I was mad at my mother. So I was sitting somewhere else, with some people I knew from my highschool. They were all reading. I happened to wear the upper part of the promdress after all with some awful pale pink skirt (it didn’t match at all because my promdress is red/orange) My mother came and I told her I didn’t want to wear this. She was ok with that. I went somewhere to change and came back and someone showed me a book. It was weird – everything was gray, but the books were very colourful. In it something was written like a o f m o (names of people) and later this was repeated like o m f o a (with something else) Strange..
The girl showed me because she knows I read much.

Another dream;

I am living in some house under the ground. Well actually, I have two houses. But I have to move to 1 house. Soon other people might go live in on of the houses – I think Turkish people. I don’t want to live in the house under the ground – I have the feeling I can’t breathe there. But my stuff is still in both houses. It’s a bit of a vague chaos. I remember talking to Ahmed. He’s from Ohman however, not from Turkey. I think I kind of liked him.

(This dream was much longer and quite interesting but forgot the rest)

Last dream;(just parts – don’t remember that much)

I am in the Roggeveen – the building where I’ll move soon. I know that I’m dreaming (yay). I am trying to find my new room. I only know the number; 45 and now I’m trying to find out where it is. I’m walking through the corridors, trying to see the numbers on the doors. It’s very hard because I don’t see much, it’s all vague, though very bright coloured. It’s very hard to concentrate. I’m walking and I see numbers going down from 60 till like 50 – but then I get lost. I go back to the staircase. Maybe I should go up or down. Then I’m walking the stairs. I’m almost upstairs, it’s suddenly very crowded. It’s very bright, white colours everywhere. On top of the stairs is a little boy. I think he has down syndrome of something similar. He looks very sweet and asks me to tie his shoelaces. I nod and go up to him, but suddenly the stairs is no stairs anymore, but a slide. My shoes aren’t good and I can’t get upstairs. I look upstairs – stretch my arms for someone to help me. But nobody seems to see me. I look down, alot of people are coming up but also they don’t seem to see me. Just pass me without helping… I think someone else tied his shoelaces…

Okay – this is not going as easy as I expected it to go. I have a break now (no uni) so I kind of expected the dreams to be clear and easy to remember. Maybe I should go to bed earlier.

For now, what I remember doesn’t make much sense (but that’s ok);

I am in another country with my high school. I think it is France. It’s summer. At some time we’re in a backyard from a huge villa or building, listening to a presentation. It’s about swimming in pools I guess. The boy presenting it is the one I’ve been spending a lot of time with lately. I’m not sure about that though. Later we’re at the swimming pool – I’m talking to his niece. He has 2, but one of them isn’t nice. Also, I am called by a man I like all the time. I’m not sure of the man is the boy – but he is married (not sure though) and he has to do something with style. He calls me on a very old antique shining metallic black telephone – probably used about 50 years ago. I love that phone – it’s very cool + retro. I love it he calls me on that – makes it so more special than a regular cell phone. I’m not sure if he’s married or has a girlfriend, but calling me is something he shouldn’t do and he occasionally talks about some annoying woman (maybe his niece). Later we’re at a different swimming pool – it’s in a huge shed, probably used for grain or hay in the past. The niece is there again. I have to go to the toilet, just like all other classmates. All toilets are taken and I wait but then they are really really dirty. So I don’t go, but go back to the pool. I notice I forgot my bikini so I’m just sitting there. Some cars are passing and my friend goes all enthusiastic. Apparently Dutch people from the tour the France were in there. A short time later we get up and walk through the streets. We go in some shops and then the others see a boy who sells books for a really cheap price. They all love him – though I don’t like him and his books are crap. We continue walking and pass a shop where the boy is in again. It’s a music store which plays awful German schlager music. Some people go dancing. The boy comes out again with his face in a smile that makes me want to slap him.

—-Rest vague -—

So… It didn’t make sense at all… And yes I remembered some of it, but not all… And I didn’t have the slightest idea I was dreaming.

17-12
I Dreamt about trains and my university. I was on a station, the platform and wanted to go to the other platform. Had to cross the rails for that. To do so, I had to walk through different trains – not in the length. I went in on one side and got out on the other side of the train and got on the next train. I walked through about 4 trains to get to the other end. I wasn’t really thinking it could be dangerous, or that a train might start to ride etc.

It was a vague dream. I also dreamt something about my uni. The boys were separated from the girls and really stupid and annoying. That was it.

They say your mental health improves when you record your dreams; It helps you to understand yourself. Once I could remember almost all my dreams, I could do lucid dreaming, I knew I was dreaming and I knew how to change dreams. But then I got nightmares in which I knew I was dreaming but couldn’t change anything, in which I felt a great fear. I still don’t know what it was. I stopped with everything. But I want to start again.