feel beautiful

My boyfriend and I went to the opera the other night, and I bought a new dress which I thought was awesome. When he saw me, he didn’t say anything, but not in a good, speechless kind of way. He just didn’t say anything. I was hoping for a “wow” or a “you look beautiful” or something. Nope.

Maybe next time.

The other night, I was told I was beautiful for the first time in my entire life (by someone other than my immediate family). I swear, when he said it, it was like he was looking inside me, and not just at me.

Feeling beautiful lately. I don’t really know what it is, because I really don’t look any different. It will sound a little silly, and probably a little backward, but I always feel so much more beautiful when there’s a man in my life. Right now things aren’t going quite as I would have hoped, and I guess it’s making me feel really down on my self. I know I shouldn’t, but I’ve always let the way other people view me affect my view of myself. I should probably work on that.

I got a not-so-nice email from a person on here called “nullo” inviting me to “Lose a few pounds chubby.” His message was “hey I think its time you lose a bit of weight. I mean this in your best interests because you are just unhealthily fat. :)” Here’s the thing: I don’t know this person, and this person does not know me. How would he know the state of my health? That’s right. He doesn’t. Not only that, but why would anyone send someone else something like that? How rude and insensitive! So from me to you, nullo, please hear this loud and clear: screw you!

If I could actually find this person’s profile on 43t I would have sent a message directly, but I can’t. How bold people are when they can hide behind the veil of anonymity.

I’ll try to salvage the day and remember the other things that make me feel beautiful, regardless of what a mean stranger may say.

I let my sister cut a little bit of my hair on Sunday. She’s only 17, but I have complete trust in her. I’m really glad I let her because I like it so much! I think it makes me look beautiful, which makes me feel beautiful.

Someone I’ve known for a while said the nicest thing to me today, and he was sincere about it. It was personal, so I’m not going to share it here, but suffice it to say that it made my whole day.

Occassionally I’ll get this little twinge of that feeling. You know the one. The one that makes your chest feel warm, like there’s a glow inside it. The one that makes even a rainy day feel like the best day of the week. I don’t know where it comes from, and I haven’t figured out what triggers it, but whenever it happens I feel beautiful. Not “ribbons and bows and makeup and tafeta” beautiful, but truly beautiful. Beauty that people who don’t know me can’t see.

I want more occassions of that feeling.