fall in love with someone who will love me back

I’ve just been rejected by my first crush. Yeah, I’m 19 and have only had one crush. Strange right? Right. So, anyway I typed in a search on google and this is what popped up close to first. I feel so bad at times and I’m pretty sure the only thing that would help is being in a good relationship. I don’t consider myself unstable but my life is relativly complicated. I just feel so bad about this particular issue in my life. I have just about 0 experience on falling in love. I feel really bad because the girl I love stopped me in mid conversation and asked what I ment when I used the term “us”. She then went on to tell me that we were not together and I kept acting like we were. Which is true. I’ve gone out of my way to be with her. I went out of my way to try and make her happy. My leg got fucked up a couple of days ago to the point I would wake up from the pain drenched in sweat and I still drove my standard transmission car to her house to learn that she doesn’t like what I’m doing. I’ve not been pysco about likeing her. I’ve know her for years. I never did anything outrageous to show my affection. In other words I have never put her on the spot. Not in front of friends. And she just never wanted us to be an item. Ever. And I can’t understand why. Sure she’s a person too. And I need to respect her. But goddamnit I don’t want to respect this fucking decision because its screwing with my head. She has NO IDEA what it has taken for me to just be nice to her about all this. I haven’t slept and I haven’t eaten for a day or so. I really don’t know what to do. But now that this is on the web I have confidence that I will get a listening ear on this. I don’t see my regular friends being of much help seeing as they’er too much like myself.