I’ve always suffered bouts of low self esteem. Or times when I just felt useless or a burden and didn’t have much confidence in myself and felt without others’ approval, I was nothing.
Around the end of last year I was dealt a few harsh blows. I suffered a few betrayals and found myself basically homeless. An friend I had barely seen in the past 5 years immediately took me into her home without hesitation. While thanking her for her generosity, I told her that I never expected to find myself so alone when weeks before, I’d thought I was literally surrounded by friends.
“You should re-evaluate your friends” is what she told me. I took that advice and realized that many of the people I hung around with either wanted me to feel inferior to them, so they could bully me around. Others enjoyed the convenience of my inablity to say no for rides, money, etc.
When I was in need, none of these people had bothered to step forward to help me in any way. Some didn’t even answer my calls. I felt very hurt at first, and I think the pain must have woken up something inside me. I really thought I’d just crumble up and cry, but I didn’t. I felt angry also… Not angry enough to plot some sort of retaliation.
Those people weren’t worth enough to hurt me, and they weren’t important enough to make me angry. I just quietly withdrew myself from their company and went on with my life.
I still don’t have as much confidence or sense of worth as I probably should have. But it’s much more than I did in the past. I no longer walk with my face pointing to the ground and avoiding direct eye contact with people.
