meet my future husband

So, just to note, i’ve been single all my life. Never really had a ‘relationship’. I’ve had crushes and pretend ‘boyfriends’ when i was about thirteen lol. i had one and two flings when i was seventeen. I’m now twenty one and since i was seventeen my whole focus has been drawing close to God and allowing him to take full control of my life. I really don’t know what it’s like to be in a kind and loving relationship and to be honest i’m a bit scared.I feel like crying as i write this. My father and my brother really dont set examples for me as how a guy should treat me. I pray about this a lot, so God knows the concern of my heart. I think i’ve been around so much tension and unkindness in my family that i feel as if i wont ever find what i’m looking for. I’ve seen a lot happen that has traumatized me and naturally causes me to be unable to connect with someone. I want to have a kind, loving, selfless, cherishing ‘companion’ but i feel as if i find that, i’ll either mess it up, get bored, or feel as if it’s unusual to me and i would be uncomfortable with being with someone. I feel like deleting everything i just wrote but i have to be honest. I’ve grown and have become committed to God and my relationship with him has caused me to love people and think that everyone is not trying to hurt me. I have progressed because of the intimacy i have with God. I started becoming passionate for souls, ministering to them and i met some really amazing friends. Since i crossed that bridge, there is no doubt in my mind that God will carry me through this fear of being vulnerable with someone who he wants me to be with and being able to build trust with my ‘companion’. I look to God to be the role model that i need as his example is he is the definition of love. God is good.

So, i have a mini crush on a guy. Mini crush is a term i came up with that means a possible crush lol. :P I’m not the kind of person that gets drawn to people. The only person that i’ve ever been drawn to was someone who reminded me of the person i used to be, broken. God revealed that to me by the way. So, when i saw this guy, my heart jolted and that hardly happens. I freaked out and then i told God that it cannot work if he’s not a Christian (I wrote an entry about the qualities i want in a husband, so check that out) Oh em gee, he’s so sweet, soft spoken, he even touches my shoulders every time he greets me. The other day he said, ‘Hey Theresa, you’re looking well rested today’ aaah! You know, i said i wasn’t going to make a big deal out of it. Then guess what silly Terry did, i checked his profile and realized that he is a Christian!!!! Yes, i did tell God that i want a husband. I’ve never had a bf, never had sex, i only kissed a few guys in my past broken experiences. I prayed to God to give me a husband and i believe he will. This could even be a test, so i’m cautious.

So, i’m just going to trust God and go with the flow. I’m in no rush. Right now i’m working really hard to become even closer to God. He knows my every need and he provides for his servants. Hey i’m a child of the King, so that makes me a princess. He will provide a prince for me but I love my King more than any Prince. :D

Ps. I could have sworn he was humming my favourite Taylor Swift song!

Anyhoo we’ll see. It’s a mini crush remember? pssh it’s not like it’s a REAL crush lol.

EDIT: So i realized that this is a test. I’ve been so caught up in obsessing over the fact that God may have sent me someone and i wasn’t able to listen to what he had to say about it. I cried to him one night about how i felt and i didn’t realize that i was so scared of going back to my past and getting my heart broken. God told me that i wasn’t ready just yet for a relationship with a guy. I’m still healing and i should be patient. My focus is supposed to be Jesus and i’m working on our relationship right now.I realized that this guy was just a distraction and because of that i got a chance to hear what God had to say. He WILL give me a husband but not right now. I’m still growing in Christ and that is far more important. As i said before, i love my King more than any Prince. love love love him!!! :D