I spent the first couple of decades of my life with a superhero complex. In the belief that I could do anything that I wanted to. And I did manage to do the things I chose to, which only added to that idea. So when things began to fall apart, I did not know this new feeling. And I began to be overwhelmed with fear. I began to set aside the bigger gambles in life in fear of failures, fear of imaginary things. I have landed up at a point in life where I have begun to fear every possibility in life. Fear of pain, fear of failure, fear of dreams that dont see daylight.
My martial arts training has had a tremendous spiritual effect on me. The training that teaches you to overcome the fear of physical pain in order to survive and overcome what threatens you. This understanding that pain is inevitable. What we do with the pain we feel is the test of skill. It is still a long process, to really overcome ghosts and demons and rebuild the mind as I rebuild my body, to be stronger, better. the first obligatory step out of the retreat.
