get my fibromyalgia under control

- be aware of where I’m at in my cycle
- take supplements
- massage every two weeks
- exercise
- stop reading fibro message boards
- stay warm
- vent often

This is what I’ve discovered about a year after figuring out something was slightly off with me and 6 months after diagnosis. I’m one of the people who won’t take pharmaceuticals for this disorder, so it’s the above… or bust.

I can’t believe how up and down this “illness” is. I’ll feel damn close to normal one day and crash the next – and then stay crashed for days. I keep going on as usual because – well, I have to. I have to go to work, I have kids to parent, I have a spouse I’d like to enjoy.

I still, in a way, refuse to believe fibro is what’s causing all my problems.

Tonight? I feel like ass. My neck was really bothering me again, which then culminated in a terrible headache that started in the middle of my back and went to the top of my head. I feel like I’ve been beaten – I havent’ had one like that for a long time.

Anyway. I’m still trying to get a grip on what’s going on here – I’m far from being able to get it under control.

I’ll persist. My rheumatologist is an OK guy. He probably should do more bloodwork, but I have my yearly physical soon and I’ll ask them to do it.

Bleh.

Yesterday, as I was thinking about digging up some potatoes for dinner and sort of dreading the exertion (something I used to relish), I thought, there’s no way this can be it. There’s no way that I’m going to be feeling like this or worse for the rest of my life. There’s no way this is a real disease. I’m just lazy, undermotivated, being a big baby.

The people with fibro I’ve met have been overacheivers, fixers, do-ers, taking on more and more and more and always blaming themselves for things that don’t get done.

It’s hard to let go of that.

I dug up the potatoes.