Make new friends

I had to resort to Craigs List!! [Hides face in shame]

I got a lot of replies.

No, but seriously, the people I met were just as normal as me. Paris has so many people, it’s actually quite surprising how many of them are just as lonely as me.

There’s a cool girl I met, but I’m so so shy to initiate going for drinks or something because I always worry that they might not have fun, and then it will be all on me. And the thing is we’re in the exact same situations: Italian boyfriends who don’t know whether they’re coming or going, and not many friends. What is making this so damn hard?

Blah.

This is gonna make me sound like a wierdo. It’s what they call shyness. But, today I actively made the effort to talk to one of the new students at school. For me that’s something kinda worth smiling about, even though I kinda blundered just a tad when she told me that her name was July. It’s a nickname. But that awkwardness soon disappeared, and she seems friendly.

Yes, yes, pity party, but why the hell does it seem like everyone around me has great friends. And I don’t. Everyone has someone. This baffles me. Seems like shyness is not that cute a trait after all. Or maybe it’s that I expect everyone else to make the effort. Maybe it’s because I expect people to come to me. Daaaaah!

...is there a problem with me? It seem like everyone around me has many friends that they can always hang out with, but for a while I haven’t made a close friend. I actually want a best friend. It sounds so sill, I know but I want a close friend that I can hang out with and have fun with, with the whole trust and genuine-ness of a friendship.

I recently moved to Paris foir my masters degree, and I was ecited about the new friends I would meet. Well, I got here and the campus was really small. Then there were artificial people. I hung out (we’re still friends) with this Russian girl, but then there was the language barrier. I couldn’t speak as myself, I had to speak so that she would understand.

I consider myself a nice person. And I don’t think I’m boring once you get to know me. Is my shyness the problem? What is it that makes it so that everyone else around me can have their good friends and me not ones I would call good friends?

Can I please have some new friends or something? I’m tired of talking to people I know I can’t trust, people who I know are gonna go and tell other people whatever I said, no matter how small or insignificant something is. Where everything you say makes ‘headline news’, so to speak. It’s not paranoia, it’s not conceit, I feel it’s real. When someone gossips to you, they will gossip about you, and man do these people tell me the gossip.

I just got off the phone with one of these ‘friends’. I was in a perfectly happy mood when I called her, but as our conversation moved on, my mood got worse and worse, now I have this heaviness inside me and I’m wishing I never spoke to her. Bitch fucked up my mood. I feel like she’s kinda jealous cos my boyfriend and I are together, happy, and that her ‘relationship’, if one can call it that, is weird and full of uncertainty. So she tries to put all these insecurities about my boyfriend into my head.

Can I have grown, mature, caring people in my life please?

I’d just like to clean out negative people from my life, but because I care so much about what other people think of me and don’t like knowing I’m not liked (which are things that I should work on), it’s hard.

The reason I probably call them is because they call me, and because I don’t want them to spread shit about “she’s acting like this now…” blah blah, you know how most girls do. I don’t know what to do.

That’s why I really wanna get out of here. You could say I’m running away, but I like to look at it as me running to what I think is a better place, conducive to my growth as a good person, not surrounded or plagued by the negativity of bitter girls.

Where I live right now, I feel that nobody genuinely cares for anybody anymore. It sucks.

The friends that I have now, although I don’t see them much make my mood worse. Fun for them requires spending money (they’re like little kids who can’t get enough of alcohol), and as soon as I get back home, I feel worse, my mood changes and I’m actually not that happy afterwards. I don’t wanna feel like that whenever I leave my friends. It’s a pity that I don’t enjoy spending time with them.

It’s something of a challenge for me. Everybody in this darn place knows everyone. And their business. The people I know have become jerks and I guess I’m outgrowing them. I don’t need so much negativity around me. Wow. How do you make genuine friendships in a place where you know people are fake. In your country?