stop apologizing

I have decided – I’m a b$#^^ and sometimes I *need to apologize. However I have learned to stop apologizing when I don’t need to. So I think this goal is finished. Good luck all!

I have made some good progress lately. I am in a situation, which is personal, and I won’t go into details. But basically, I have come across a person in my life that I have found it a big reason for feeling guilty over past actions. And I see a lot of similar patterns in their behavior. I was always expected to act a certain way, and when I did act that way, I ended up doing something that I still haven’t forgiven myself for. I don’t know if I ever wholly will… but by talking to them about it, I realize that there is a lot there that’s not my fault. I have no reason to feel guilty, and yet I have carried this feeling around the last 9 years.

I am done. I am done feeling responsible for other people’s choices and feeling sorry that they don’t feel or act or think like they think that they should. I have but one life, and it is quite a waste sitting around being apathetic and apologizing for being me. If you don’t like me, fine. Walk away. I will have no regrets.

It may seem self evident, but apologizing for everything seems to be merely a way to excuse yourself of who you are and what you do that might (not definitely) offend those around you. It’s like a nervous twitch.
I seem to be just about there, and along this process, I have noticed how people respond to me differently. I feel I have more confidence in a way. It has been all about being who I am, while still being courteous, but with the attitude that I don’t care if they like me personally. The world is too big. Time is too short.

I find if I am walking at work or out in public, and I happen to be walking the same way as a person, or in their path, I apologize. When I look back, it is like I am apologizing for being in the same space as them at the same time… like I could really help being there. I apologize when it isn’t my fault, I apologize so much it has become a reaction that is just reflex…. like apologizing when I know I really didn’t do anything at all…. and sometimes for no apparent reason. It’s rediculous. I am sick of it… and I am going to stop.