get a boyfriend

I’ve been with my current boyfriend since March 28th, 2009. 11 months very soon. It’s been a long ride, and I really enjoy his company. We spend time with his friends and we’ve created a group of friends that I truly enjoy going to see. I love how I am included in things, and feel like my parents really do enjoy seeing him. It’s like my dad is a different person when he is around, and it’s evident that my dad favors him as a son.

For Christmas recently he spent the 24th with me and then also invited me to come to his parents. I got a Shadow the Hedgehog plush from him, and a Chaos Emerald replica that’s green and stands on a stand. I really feel like he’s a great guy and I hope to have many more years with him.

I currently still live with him, and our apartment is decorated the way we decided. I feel like I am truly blessed to be with him, and cannot imagine any other guy that could do what he has done for me.

My greatest wish is that I am with him for years. On March 28th, 2010 – that wish will hopefully come true for us, because it will be 1 year. It feels like so much longer.

TTJ + CTH

...How I posted this six days ago, and it’s changed a bit. It always happens when you stop looking, doesn’t it? A guy told me he liked me a lot and thinks I’m cute, and we haven’t kissed yet in the five days we’ve known another, but he wants to go on a date with me and take things slow.

Man oh man, is this really happening? I feel chemistry in so many ways, and he’s really sweet.

I suppose it’s the community I am around that sways my decision to want one. I recently had my first boyfriend a month ago, but it ended poorly (see other blogs that I have for other info). Needless to say, I am just trying to love myself for now. I want a boyfriend, but college isn’t the best place to look for guys because it’s like searching for a needle in a haystack. For now, I just wanna keep this as a goal and not even worry about it.

I remember when I stopped worrying about it, it finally happened. Maybe this time, it’ll happen even better if I stop again. So let’s give this a shot.

Well, it lasted for a month…apparently he’s just a immature boy who just wants to do drugs and not care about anything serious. He broke up with by means of Facebook, and it was nothing I did wrong. He just doesn’t want to commit and wants to party with his guys.

At least I had a relationship, right?

Edit He broke up with me because I’m a virgin, man…how lame is that? =\

It’s been a week, and we are together. He and I have known another for years. He told me he loved me. I said it back, because I’ve always felt it.

It’s totally worth it, everyone. :)

I never thought it’d be happening like this, but it is. We both like another, and are taking it slow. He was my first kiss, and we both want to date but we’re seeing how it goes. I think he’s kinda scared to rush things. He knows that I want to take it slow, too. I really like him, and we cuddled for hours watching movies. It’s an amazing feeling. Hopefully this is the beginning of the first of many relationships of my life.

Word of advice: take a chance. Get out of your comfort zone. Sometimes you need to take a chance in order to realize you were too scared. Just don’t let your guard down completely. Don’t do anything you don’t want. Be yourself.

Instead of writing some emo post about how my life is going in this category (sucky), I would rather tell you that I am trying to make guys as friends rather than get with them. I’ve had some cruel rejections this year, but I haven’t stopped believing. I did put this on hold since I have a lot going on in my school and classes to worry about. There have been a few guys I’ve liked, and there’s one I never told because I realized he was a total jerk.

We all fall for the wrong people, right? I tend to do this a lot, and really like the guy until I take a step back and become his friend and find out that he’s just not it. There’s this guy right now that irks me to no end, and we talk once in a while. Not as much as we used to, and I think that’s because of what people warned me about. His friends from school go to this college, and they told me he’s always been a “playboy” at school. That’s never a good thing, since all he’s looking for is sex. And I want long-term, and more than just sexual intercourse with a guy; I want a relationship built on feelings and love. His friends have told me to wait, since a huge percentage of college is messing around and you have to “look hard” to find anyone who wants to actually be with you for anything but. I believe this is true.

This guy is pretty rude and annoying if I think about it. It’s not like I believed I would be with him. He hasn’t given me the attention I deserve in three weeks. Since he met my friend and found out she was also a model, all he does is make attempts to talk to her more. Sometimes he even looks over at me when he pauses in their conversation. It’s as if he knows what he’s doing, and won’t admit up to it. I haven’t pressed on the matter. He can have his “play” all he wants with her. I’d rather it be her than me, since I know he’d throw her in the trash when he’s done. I even told her I liked him during the first few weeks of that class, and she claimed he was annoying.

Ironically enough, I had a dream last night about them. In that dream, I did something that I wouldn’t in real life. I saw them together and then I pulled her aside and asked her what she was doing. She then took me further away and said, “You know exactly what I’m doing. Why would he want you? You’re not even pretty.” And that was when I pulled away and screamed out something, but they walked away.

I guess it’s been bothering me in my sleep, too. But I refuse to call anyone out on it. I don’t want drama. I’ll just listen to my iPod and drown them out, because I don’t want him. If he’s a player, I don’t want anything to do with him. Perhaps that’s what he wants is for me to call him out on it. But if I acted like I didn’t care, he wouldn’t win. But here’s a moral to this story: If a guy can’t give you the attention you deserve, then he’s not worth it. A guy should give you full attention and treat you like a human being; not a piece of crap.

Even if it didn’t matter, I’m the type of person who wants to get something off of my chest right away. I had liked this guy for 3 weeks, and I stopped because I just lost it. I decided to tell him how I felt and said I used to like him. I was told that he “didn’t feel that way about me” and “still wanted to be friends.”

I tried. I at least took the leap no matter how hard my heart was pounding just to say it, even if my crush had dimmed a bit to see what would happen. That took a lot of courage on my own half, and I even feel a bit shitty right now considering that I’ve been rejected a lot in my life. It won’t make me quit, but for now I just want to forget about it. I’m going to focus on my grades and enjoying my life at the edge of my teens. I will indulge in video games. I will laugh for no reason. I will forget about this goal and move on with my own damn life.

What’s really sad is, this is the main reason I am depressed – this goal that I want so badly. But in the end, nothing is that simple. I’ve stopped believing, if for the moment. I’d rather not get into it anymore.

Maybe I fall too fast. This is a reason I waited it out before I went for it. I wanted to know if I felt like that, and I was wrong. Is it normal to be ashamed of liking someone and seeing them in that light, when you feel no chemistry at all anymore? I know he’s a nice guy, but I feel nothing. I waited it out before I got to know him, and my “like” for him decreased a lot.

Well, I’m glad I didn’t make a fool of myself – that could have really been embarrassing. Maybe I am learning something from this, after all. In the past I used to go for it, and it ruined things. Now I wait. And I learn.

Well, I noticed I have about 10 entries already on this goal/thing, and it’s quite amazing. One little thing in my life that has this big of an impact – I really do worry too much, don’t I?

I’ve decided to just cut this goal down to like, making guy friends and building a network of people who I could hang with. I really don’t know if I like this guy I wanted fully, and I have priorities in life I need to fulfill before I totally commit to a guy. It’s sad, too, because I want a boyfriend someday. But sometimes, it’s sacrifices you have to make in life that you have to deal with. If I’ve gone nearly eight years of my life without a guy, then I surely could go another, right? Right… Although right now, it doesn’t sound so assuring as I type it.

Making friends of the same sex seems to help. I admit, I want girl friends more than anything. I want girls to talk to, learn things from, and also forget. I want to forget this goal and just make tons of friends, guys and girls, and just keep up my attitude and eventually – possibly, maybe? – I could find a guy. It sounds so weird to consider a guy in my life, and I feel like I’ll never get one. Like I’ll be one of those old maids, and I shudder at that. I really do…

But yeah. I’m going to make friends and just focus on the here and now – Not the future. This isn’t a “goal”; it’s not going to kill me. Maybe my heart, but it can’t get anymore worse than it has been. I can take it, I’m strong.

More posts to come from me, guys.