find the one

I was told by a guy that I “intimidate” guys because I have a great personality, humor, and because I am attractive. I don’t get it. I understand how guys could be intimidated that I am a great package, but why run away? Why not run towards me, since I’m not anything to fear?

Of course, it doesn’t help that the guy who told me this had liked me and doesn’t have very great self-esteem. He said that most guys don’t feel they deserve me, and don’t pursue because I intimidate.

I know this was supposed to be a ego booster from him, but it made me feel actually worse.

Yeah, I haven’t found “the one,” and you know what? I really don’t mind. I’ve decided to stop this never-ending journey and just go on with my life. I’ve heard that you find so many things when you’re not looking. For example, you’re not looking for money and you find a penny on the ground. Well, love is like that. And it’s so frustrating, every day of my life remembering that I haven’t changed at all in the past 6 years of my life, and I probably never will.

It’s frustrating. It’s not healthy. It’s not … safe.

Sometimes you just need to let life go, and see where it takes you, and that’s what I’m doing.

Okay, so, I just graduated. I’ve been in unrequited love a lot in my life. I fall in love with time; if I begin to become close with someone, I realize that they might be someone I could be with… But in the end, it’s never usually right. The person is not dating, or they’re just with someone else. It’s a tricky cycle, and I’m trying to keep my patience. Recently, I told a guy that I liked him … knowing that he doesn’t date. He used to have a lot of girls around him, and I liked him for him…even if it was difficult since he’s waiting ‘til college. So yeah, it was stupid. I don’t know why I liked him, but he always knew…and I never said anything. We knew each other for 6 years, but … it’s frustrating. He was more of a brother, too… so it’s even more confusing.

I seriously don’t know what to do. I’m waiting until college to test out the waters, but who knows? I always keep thinking I’ll meet a guy when I go to Florida each summer, but I haven’t yet.

Wish me luck.. =[