heal my broken heart

So here it is guys, i am sorry i have not been writing to you but i am now. sorry. since first semester i have met a lot of friends.i have a job, i even dated someone. i am so much happier than i was 4 months ago. thank you so much for the cheers. i appreciate it. i am hoping to officially “complete” this soon. i am pretty sure i am over pat but i have not seen him yet, i need to have that final test to see if i am good. to seal the deal.

THANKYOU.

ill write more later.

if i could write you a letter about how i feel now this is it.

Dear Pat.

i think this is the greatest thing i have ever done for myself because i am ok. i am getting better and though you are trying to make me talk to you and use your mind games on me. its not gonna work this time. i am not the same as i was a month ago, or 2 months ago or 8 months ago. i want to be free. im going to be free and guess what? i am okay without you. maybe someday ill want your friendship but right now. i am happy without you in my life.

how do you know when you completely move on? how do you know. all i want to do is avoid pat as much as possible. i dont think about him anymore but if something does remind me of him i like to stop talking about it instantly. i refuse to keep up on him because im afraid of the outcome.. i guess im not over him yet but i know im getting there.
i know i want to meet someone, i see people fall in love all the time, and i wonder..whens my turn again? do i get another turn? theres all these tools out there..where is he? i know i cant wait on it that it will just happen but i dunno

i am talking to this kid i went to elementary school with but im pretty sure hes not interested. i get excited and then im afraid im being foolish. we talk but not to an extent…i don’t know my limits and i wish i did. this is my biggest goal.

ALSO.
i am happy with my life, i am not sad at all really, i have a lot of fun in college and everything is going good and its not bad being single. haha.

alright so this break has helped a lot i don’t get upset as much as i used to. i have been spending time with my best friends and family. christmas was good, new years was good. everything was good. yes there has been moments where i miss him but i swear i am getting better. i know i am stronger than the last entry.

optimism go!

i keep trying to move on.

whats my problem >:|

some days are so easy but then night time comes around and you think SO much. i think i have gotten better since the last time i typed an entry. still it can be a challenge, i still get sad and feel lonely.

but least i can say that i am miserable without him.
i can be happy single, i just have to get used to it.

I thought it was over, baby
We said our goodbyes
But I cant go a day without your face
Goin through my mind

In fact, not a single minute
Passes without you in it
Your voice, your touch, memories of your love
Are with me all of the time

Let me let go, baby
Let me let go
If this is for the best
Why are you still in my heart
Are you still in my soul
Let me let go

I talked to you the other day
Looks like you make your escape
You put us behind, no matter how I try
I cant do the same

Let me let go, baby
Let me let go
It just isnt right
Ive been two thousand miles
Down a dead-end road

Let me let go, darlin, wont you
I just gotta know, yeah
If this is for the best
Why are you still in my heart
Are you still in my soul
Let me let go

The lights of this strange city are shinin
But they dont hold no fascination for me
I try to find the bright side, baby
But everywhere I look
Everywhere I turn
Youre all I see

Let me, let me let go, baby, wont you
Let me let go
It just isnt right
Ive been two thousand miles
Down a dead-end road

Oh, let me let go, darlin, wont you
I just gotta know
If this is for the best
Why are you still in my heart
Yeah, youre still in my soul, let me let go
Let me let go, let me let go

i feel so broken, i feel like such poop. i miss him.. i wish i knew what to do i wish i knew half the things to say i wish i knew what i really wanted.

cause i dont know anymore what i want to do.

so not talking to pat has gotten easier, i haven’t seen him nor talked to him and at the moment i am alright…there are times when occasionally he asked how i am or i ask him but that’s about it.
I blocked him completely from AIM and his number is gone from my phone. I know if i just keep this up i will get over him.
how some reason i got extremely upset when he told me that “we will be friends again” and he can see it.
i knew right after that i wasn’t all that ok and really.. i cont even think i want to be his friend.. i honestly don’t think i could be his friend.. maybe i think that just because i am hurting now but i just don’t want the pain.

i know i am not completely over him because the other night we were talking for a bit and we got in the discussion of being just friends

im gonna do this.

oh it’s taking so long i could be wrong, i could be ready
oh but if i take my heart’s advice
i should assume it’s still unready
oh i’m never really ready, i’m never really ready
i’m in repair, i’m not together but i’m getting there