be a good husband

This July will be 13 years together and I am afraid that there may not be another 13 (or 3 for that matter) left. It seems that there is much hurt, anger and resentments between us and frankly I am not sure how we can move past. I think we both try our best to be the best people we can be, however, something is just not right. I know that it seems that now days, people get to a plateau and they just split. I don’t like that and don’t want to happen. I want to work issues out and stay together, and I think she does also…some days it is just tough to even talk without feeling hurt or angry. Then we have a talk and share what’s going on and things are ok for a few days…then BAM…out of no where, back talking about the possibility of separation. Sometimes I really don’t see it coming, other times I can feel something welling up within me and it ends up leading to me saying something stupid or hurtful.

Anyways, I do plan on continuing to work on it and myself and hope that things will get a little smoother. I try to tell myself that everyone has bad days and that no relationship is perfect, they all take work and it is not always easy. I think I need some friends…it would at least help me find some balance. As it stands now, I am either; working, hanging with the family or spending time with myself. All my friends are thousands of miles away and I am not very good at making new ones (shy).

OK, off I go…keep on, keeping on!

I am finding that this goal is very vague and I am not sure how to meet it. There are some days when I find myself getting so frustrated and scratching my head, asking what the hell am I suppose to do. The days when it seems like nothing I do is right and when I accept that and just do my own thing…then I am giving the silent treatment…just can’t win!

But then I guess a relationship is not something to be won or lost; it is a bond that takes a lot of work. The problem is when neither person has extremely strong role-models from our childhoods and there is no user manual for relationships…what is to be done when you’re stuck?

I try to be the best person I can be. I work on things I don’t like about myself. I work on things that are pointed out to me by those I care about. I try to meet half-way. I don’t know what else I can do or if there is anything for me to do. It may not even be me. I can’t rid her of resentments, therefore all I can do is continue to be the best I can be, right?

I have realized that my kids and I have been taking my wife for granted as of late. So last night, I told the kids that each of us was going to handle some of the night-time after dinner chores that mom used to do, so she can go and take some time to do something that she wants to do. One of them whined about it last night, but tonight went much smoother. It does feel good and I hope it helps to show her that we do appreciate everything she does for us.

Another must have in a relationship. My wife and I have been together for going on 13 years now. Trust is one thing that I find gets tested from time to time. Normally when in an arguement or other troubled times.

I once read somewhere…you should trust your partner to make right decisions, after all they chose you. So true, yet in the heat of the moment, I tend to forget this. I want to trust her decisions more and not feel the need to control every situation.

Communication has to be the key to a relationship. Every time I talk with my wife about what is going on, how we are feeling, what our expectations are, etc…things get better. I have never been a great talker. I am pretty shy and only since meeting her, have I been able to start to put my feelings into words. That said, I feel I have no choice but to learn to continue to communicate because I love her very much. I would not want to do anything that would cause me to lose her.