decide what the hell I would like to do with the rest of my life

living in spain hasnt exactly turned out to be the greatest thing ever and part of me wants to run back home, a large part. But then I´ll feel like I gave up and it will bug me for ever that I didnt make the most of it. Its not my fault, Madrid is just soooo boring. Maybe I should change my life direction away from foreign countries and try again.

So I turn 18 in 2 days time and rather than releshing in the idea of being a full adult, I’m worrying about the future and what I’m going to do to survive. I know according to western society I’m still “young” but what does western society know, in some parts of the world I would be married and on my 3rd child by now.
I’m not ready to leave my childhood behind, I’m not ready to face the future.

ok, so I figured out that languages just wasnt for me, as fun as they are to learn they are really hard to grasp, and I began searcheing for a new future and although I havent found one yet I did manage to choose a course at a university that I do want to go to, and that Im really excited about and I fell like a HUGE weight has been lifted of my shoulders and now I can finally breathe that little bit easier.

...does anyone know what peice of equiptment I need to find out who I am, because i feel like I’m going round in a never ending circle, and I’m getting dizzy

i think i made the wrong choice when it came to my future and now i feel stuck in a dead end with no options but to go with the future i wrongly chose, university isnt for me and i know that, yet i have no other choice because i gave myself no other options and now i dont know what im going to do. I dont want to do languages when i have no passion for it, but i dont know what i can do…i just wish i could tell my dad how i feel and stop living my life for him, and start living it for me.

I should have figured this out a long time ago, and technically i did, but i’m fickle so it didnt last long.
I know i could be a languages teacher, but i dont want to go to the same job everyday and have to see the youth of today growing up and leaving when i fell stuck. I could be an interpreter, but who wants to spend all day reading other peoples work. I always wanted to be an author, but that requires dedication, and you don’t always make enough money. I would love to be a PA because you could get to travel, and work with someone cool, or a complete bitch… well looks like its back to the drawing board.

in order to get any of the things that i intended to do i need to log off this damn computer, problem is… i can’t! im addicted to the screen, the freedom of information, the feel of the keys beneath my finger tips…i need help!:p

i bought the cork board and pins, like i said i would! and i took the day off tommorow (not like i do anything constructive anyway) so that i can get some work done… these are giant leaps!

my friend promised me that tommorow we’re going to buy me a cork board, post it notes, and pins so that i can make an attempt at organising my life…its a long shot, but shes a good aimer.

..running out. So i’ve got 2 weeks to sort out my life before college starts again. i’ve got to sort out housing and loans for my uni, and i dint know what im doing at all. ive got 4 pieces of large coursework due in when i get back. i really dont want to do this….Growing up wasnt part of the plan!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!