MyDarkSideHantMe is doing 1 thing including…

fall out of love


 

MyDarkSideHantMe has written 10 entries about this goal

Spin Cycle

my life is finally back on track after i fell in love and then back out but when i was in love and trying to fall out it felt like i was thrown in the washer on spin cycle and every thing was confussing and hard and all i felt was pain but now i am good my friendships have suffered but i am fixing them up but on is gone and i am okay with that because if they dont want to forgive me that is there deal and i am not getting hung up on anything anymore i am focusing on myself right now and my happieness and if they cant forgive me then the friendship would just go bad so i am moving on but at the same time i am ancoring myself down but i am trying to leave no loose ends and there is a lot but i am getting close so thanks to all how gave me advice to get over her and i hope that all of you can become happy and find what you are truly looking for out of life goodbye to every one this will be my last entry for this goal



It is sad

i was wrong, i loved a girl that i shouldnt have but i did i put her before my friends before my family before my own life and happieness i trusted her with everything i told all of my secrets to her and i now see that she is not trust worthy she has been lieing and telling secrets behind my back so i feel horible because i left my friends for her i thought that she was the love of my life but when i fell out of love wiht her i thought she was my best friend but it only took me a few day to see what she really is what my friends and family told me she was doing and why i got in fights with both of them tring to defend her but she didnt desever it i have ruined friendships that i have had for 11 years over her back when i wanted to be with her all the time i didnt care that i had lost my friends but now that i dont want her in my life at all i care i am sad because i was wrong and did things that i am not proud of and that i can understand if they never want to forgive me but hope they do i am trying to reach out to them again but it is hard because i left them and wouldnt hang out wiht them for over a year i was a different person when i was with her and now i am back to what i was before but i think i will just have to start over wiht a new life i have ruined this way almost so bad that i dont think i can recover i just with that i had relized this a long time ago when i still had a chance to save it all



It took a lot

i had a life changing experiance last week i am not proud of what i did but i am better for it but it took so much to finally get me to relize that i dont love her i have been about 50% not quite sure if i still loved her or if i was over her some days were worse then others and some better but no there is no lingering feelings i still care about her a lot but that is only because she is my best friend. there was a time that i told my self that i still loved her because she was such a big part of my heart that when i didnt love her anymore i felt like i was not whole like i should love as if there is a lot of emptyness inside but i relized that what i am missing is love but not love for her but love for myself because when i loved her i put every thing aside even my own self perception so before i move on to another person i am going to find out who i am and what i really want out of life and learn to love myself



two years

i lost two years of my life being in love with a girl that didnt love me back but it is finally over i know that i have posted entries saying i think it is over but it is i have gotten so close to her that you would think ther would be nothing left but be “together” but i love getting close to her and i have become her best friend and she has become mine we are more comfotable with each other then any one else that we have ever met and i am way happier this way then i ever could have been if we ever did start dating or going out girl/boy friends come and go but best friends friends that know every thing about you but you want then to know all of it like friends that are like family those froends are rare so i am so happy now just becasue i know that our relationship is just going to get stonger better so i will never lose her and all i ever wanted was her in my life well now i have her just a little different but i hope every one here can get over the one they love maybe you will get lucky like me and get a great friend out of it but you will never know what they truely are until you move your feelings out of the way your feelings cloud your thoughts and judgement so just try to see them in a new light



Why

yesterday i thought was the worst day of my life. i talked to the girl i love all day we had a good time but one of our convorsations was a serious one and it started with her talking about her new boyfriend but she wasnt sure that she wants to be with him and was going over it with me on what she likes about him and what she doesnt and on of the topics was he was the first guy to ask me out in person ya i know that the hole asking out is childish but i am still a child so it is important to me and her but i ask her why she didnt include me on her list of guys to ask her out in person and she said that i never did but i did because i have been think about that night for 6 months now and i told her that i had asked her out at this certain time and everything gave her the details and she said that she remember every thing but me asking her out so she was like i must not have heard you and then she said that sucks because i liked you back then that just made me stop numb because i have been wondering if she ever like me back then and i have thought about it every day for half a year and now just as simple as that if i had spoke just a little louder i would have had her as my girl friend and then my frrlings for her would finally be i dont know what the word is that i am looking for but like just that now i would have had a reason to feel the way i did and i thought what if and i was just numb at the thought of ehr likeing me because i had almost done something i would have regreted forever over her and if i had spoke just that much louder every thing would be different but after think about it for hours crying myself to sleep i relized that i am glad that she didnt hear me because every thing now would be awkward with her and she is the only person i can ever tell anything to so almost makes me believe in God just from that because if it wasnt for her being there for me and me being there for her one of us may have taken our own lives i had thought about it once but i talked to her and it made every thing better and it just makes me think that she didnt hear me for a reason so she could become me best friend and end up saving my life so i no longer think that it was the worst day of my life i am think it was the best just because now i have hope in God and living with out him is the scaryest most depressing way to live so i dont know what my point is but i still love her with every part of me but now i have hope in something greater and that makes everything worth ti



it is finally over and i dont...

like the way i feel i wish it had ended differently i tired being friends with her one moe time ended up hanging with the same people as last week i now feel the same way i did then and it is not good so i ended everything with her i told her about almost everything and just said i cant do it anymore i cant try and put on a mask to cover how i feel so i didnt i showed me two friends how pissed i got when they were together like just came out and said i am fucking pissed right now and the girls that i loved the one taht knows more about me then anyone had to ask why but my other friend that knows just about nothing about me just what i show him is what he knows and i have never told him that i used to love her but he could tell why i was pissed so after i said that he let go of her hand moved to the other side of me so i was wlkaing by her and i guess one friendship got stronger and one has ended it sucks how things must work that way but i dont love her any more i dont think about her all the time the only thing i feel towards her is hate or anger but i dont like what has happened i have lost my best friend and first love in one night i have no one that i can talk to she was th eonly person that i ever told the dark corners of life and i dont know if i can ever find someone that i can talk to the way i did her but i cant go back i cant pertend nothing has happend pretend that it is all okay so i guess i will have to deal with things on my own for a while but it sucks that the only person i could tell anything i could tell her about well her if anyone has any tips on how to find someone that you cant trust with every thing in a short period of time please tell me. i do have to say that i was hurt so badly by her that i felt like nothing was left inside me and now that i dont love there is nothing left so i dont think it is worth it to fall out of love if you were in really far



its harder then it ever has been

last weekend i spent only 3 hours with girl i love and i was getting really beter l wasnt depressed at the thought of not being with her i thought it was finally over but this weekend i spent 10 hours with her it started at noon i gave her a call to see if we could chill i thoguth i was over her and we could finally become best friends again but we couldnt hang out then because she had a baby shower to go to but she said taht she would call when she got home so i waited i waited 2 and a half hours for her to call i sat there with the phone at my side so i wouldnt miss the call and she called so she said i could come over so i walked 2 miles to her house and hang out for about two hours and decided to go for a walk we ended up passing my friends house so stoped and got him to join us and thats when it got bad because last weekend she was all over him and it pissed me off so i told her about it and she said that she didnt like him that way but that just made me more mad because he is my best friend and she is playing with his emotions so i asked her to back off a bit unless she liked him and she said she would but this weekend she started good with him just talkin but after about 1-2 hours she started holding his hand and laying with him on the couch and so when he left the room i asked again if she liked him and she still said no so i really got pissed and even after all of this i still want to be with her more then ever even though she lied to me or is playing my friend but i dont know why i feel the way i do i dont want to i was finally happy with our relationship but i cant do it i cant be her friend it hurts me too much it feels like every thing inside me is dead feels like my heart it being riped out over and over again i cant let my gaurd down again i cant stop and enjoy anything i have to all ways i dont think i can ever love anyone again i dont want to and the second i let my gaurd down to let someone else in it will just hurt again with her



Finally i think it may be over

i think that it may be over i dont know what im feeling right now i have never felt th is way before i need to be around the one person that i love right now just to see if i get nervous or if my heart skips a beat when i see her or if i get a chill down my spine when i touch her i need to see if i get the same feelings when im around her to know for sure but i think it is over i think i am finally over her or it may be some new stronger feeling i have i dont know i am very confussed right now but i think about her all the time still but i think about now because that is the only thing that truly puts me at peace i have been this way now ware every thing is right nothing can go wrong mind set for about 2-3 days but i dont know what it is that i feel so i need to figure things out but this is the best i have felt in 2 years the entire time i have been in love with her but this feeling is almost indecribable it is amazing best feeling ever so even if it is a new stronger feeling i like it i dont care if i get over her any more but i think i may be over her i am so confussed if anyone has ever thought this way or felt like the is a better place when u think of them please tell me i need sence i need to know what is happening



i dont know exactally this happened

last night i had my two best friends come over and it was ment to be a guys night but then we decided to invite my other best friend (a chick) the one that i am in love with but no ones knows that except for me and her so my guys friends thoughgt it would be cool so she came over and we listen to music and did some other stuff and just had a good time but half the time she was all over my friend my best friend and she knews that he is and at first i thought that she was doing that to piss me off and it worked but then after seeing this go one for hours the anger stoped and i relized that if i ever want to stop loving her i need to start now it was not my right to tell her who she can and cant like even if it isnt me and by the end of the night i started thinking of her as more and more of a friend and it is helping i love her still but just in time i will be over her.
so i think the trick to getting over someone is not to stop seeing them in all but to see them every once in a while and have the mind set that they are nothing more then you want them to be and it is helping so idk but it works for me go a head and try my trick it may make things better or not but they can never get worse because the first time u lose them is the worse so we are over the hardest put it has to get better right?



Why does it have to be so hard

I fell in love with my best friend two years ago. I was in the 7th grade and every one said I was too young to know what love is and at the time I thought they were right but the closer i get to her the stronger i fell and i shouldnt have any reason to fell the way i do to her we never went out we never kissed but i still love her and i think about her every day and sometimes i cant sleep at night because of her but i finally told her how i feel and all she could say was that she loved another guy my heart fell and broke into a million parts it will never be fixed but im trying but every time i make any progress to getting over her she does something that makes me think i have a chance and when i take it she says the same thing.

If anyone has advice for me please tell me


 

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