= the fear of not being good enough or imperfection.
Well look at that, there’s even a word for it.
I’m not sure how I feel about this anymore. I believe this is due to the fact that I don’t know how I define failure anymore. I have broad ideas but a definition is beyond me at the moment. I’m sure life has plenty more to teach me about this so…off I go again. =)
So…I figured I should write something about this. However, I don’t think I’ve made any progress. I am still a perfectionist and worry about everything. The reason: I can’t stand failure.
Yet I do realize I have one thing going for me that I can be quite thankful for – fearing failure has not stopped my curiosity and I still try things. It has not disabled my ability to live to that extent. Instead I just worry 24/7 while trying things…
...and I tend to beat myself up over things when they don’t end well. Things don’t have to go “as planned”, they just have to end right. So I guess that’s a bonus too. I’m pretty chill if things figure themselves out in another way than I planned.
I also know where my fear stems from. But I don’t want to go there yet. I can face a lot of things, but some of my childhood I would just rather not.