Learn to enjoy being kind and sympathetic

any longer Apricots, Smiles or Lemonade—

maybe I need to flirt with a therapist

I have approximately 43 sketchbooks, maybe its an unlucky number, my emotional sensibility has changed, although stable, more so than since joining work, yet its true and certain that things were shakey/unstable at that time when the call came in

[an earlier poem of mine had a similar exhilerant tone
’_ _ _whirling summer came to rest’]

become kindlier,

at least that’s my mien

in attending the idea that I have a hand for a woman

some would joke

bitter spite, etc.

resolving to seek out the life that doesn’t strive against panic and terror, and nonetheless finds pleasant conversations.

Just need to learn to treat myself well, find a comfort zone, not indulge in too much sugar, not forget the people that impress me, find a life that precedes words, find a means to ensnare frustration and leave it mesmerized.

Forget the ways in which I must forget myself, avoid the fear of slavery and death, make steps towards an awakened routine, full of the movements of more considerate powers. Not to blush on the threshold of a life beyond what I have known; to give thanks for the many blessings which have not always seemed so certain as now, to seek guidance even when subsumed in angst, to allow myself to become not only individual, but in fact integrative.

I have trouble relating to people sometimes. If someone is so fragile their feelings are damaged by my behavior, why aren’t they in their little cave trying to work it out?.~1 I have trouble buying the notion that society isn’t enlightened for practical reasons.

At the same time, I’m supposed to come to terms with my own shortcomings, and part of connecting with people on the deep level I keep imagining is by holding up an amiable face to the world, and relating to their daily gripes and grief. Its something I need to work on. Otherwise I have no one to blame for my lack of dialogue with the people I respect and admire.

Footnotes:

1. At the same time, I was at one time a very sensitive person, but lacking in communication. This attitude I now hold would have been the bane of my former self. I continue to aspire to be sensitive, while realizing that there are many accomplishments that require thick skin.