have a relationship with God

I was reading something that said that God is not hard to find he’s impossible to avoid. That right there is the truth. I recently fell off the road again, but i’m back. You’re not a failure until you quit. The thing is that I just can’t be the person I used to be. The life I intended is not what God wants for me. This has nothing to do with Christianity or any religion or anything. In fact, I have my reasons for wanting to explore different ways of having a relationship with God. Meditation being one of them. I believe that I have God inside of me, we all do, and I can’t use the blessings that he gave me to do my will. But it’s so hard because the familiar, though painful, can be more comfortable. I’m in a process that is all about changing and being of service to others. And it’s like I didn’t choose this, but God chose me. I don’t really have a choice. It’s like surrender or die. My way just doesn’t work. Whenever I decide I want to take my will back I crash into a brick wall, and insanity is doing the same things and expecting different results. But the thing I love about God is that for me he always shows me that he loves me and that it’s okay and that as long as I’m alive I can pick myself up, get back on the road and try again.
It’s scary though because I have been recently hearing about people dying because from taking their will back and I don’t want ot die. So for anybody reading this, please pray for me, pray that I stay surrendered and that I can learn to enjoy living God’s will even more than I do already. Because trust me I love my life now and the direction it’s going in, but sometimes honestly I do miss the chaos, anyway if nobody told you they love you today, I do.

That’s all I can say. Every since i’ve put God first things have really been on the up and up. I don’t get high or drink any more, if that’s not proof of a Gos existing then i don’t know what is. I go to church every Sunday whether I want to or not, i pay my tithes and give and though i may not agree with a lot of the things that are preached ther i agree with most of them, espescially with the fact thatGod gives unfailing love and that he is forigving and he provides. And he disciplines those he loves….Amen to that. Oh yeah and i’m not perfect nor do i think i am..

I’ve beeen doing really well with going to church. I only missed church once in the past 2 months. I ‘ve gotten so much wisdom it’s crazy. The hard part is just trying to do the right thing at all times. It’s like because you’re trying to better yourself the devil trys even harder to tempe you and throw you back off track. But I’ve been doing well.
One thing I’ve been doing is tithing. Oh my God, I hate to sound like a infomercial for some “get rich quick with tithing,” thing but it really works. I went to the chiropractor and he gives me 4 free visits because of some miscommunication. My barber tells me my next cut is free because I sent someone to him. I mean, i’m saying to myself, wow that was fast. But it’s amazing. And i feel good about giving my money to something positive, versus paying to kill myself the way I was doing before.

Today was the first day I woke up and didn’t read my bible. See this is how it normally starts, things begin to go good for me and I forget about God. But I won’t let that happen this time. I’ve been good. I’ve been going to Bible Study for the past couple of weeks, and I’m off on Sunday so I will be at church getting the word. I’m telling you, I don’t know about anybody else but going with God works for me it’s the only thing that works for me. I fail sometimes but I will because I’m human however I know God is working with me and through me.
I want to be a messenger. I want to help people like people have helped me. I want to be an example of God’s glory. I want to do these things so I will.

God, I surrender. I had a little bit of a crises the other day and I did what I always do, I go to church. Church always has a way of getting me back on track. So why not just keep on going on a consistent basis? That’s the same thing I’m trying to figure out. But after the other day’s escapade I give in and I give up. I am so tired of getting ahead and then being brought back down because I don’t consistently stay focused on having a relationship with God. The funny thing is, I was feeling down because of my relapse the other day and I went to Bible Study. The topic was about affliction. and how God uses it to bring us closer to him.
There were 5 reasons God uses affliction:
1.To Direct Us. In order to be directed we must look at the root of what’s causing us to be afflicted and change our direction.
2.To Inspect Us. To see what’s really in our heart.
3.To Correct Us. We learn the most when we are scorned.
4.To Protect Us. God uses affliction to slow you down so you won’t really hurt yourself.
5. To Perfect Us. We must learn from our afflictions in order to become better people and help others.

After that class I was just amazed because at first i didn’t understand why god allowed that to happen to me when I was really trying so hard to be better. It’s just that I was doing so much to get my life together but I was forgetting him in the process. But now I feel like I am glad that happened because other wise I would have just kept running around with the same tired people wasting the potential that he has blessed me with. I can no longer continue to try to do it my way. I give in, whatever God wants I want. I surrender.

P.S. That’s not to say that I will be perfect, because that’s impossible, but I sure will try harder.