Still worrying about my dad today. My grandmother who lives in WVA fell down and broke her shoulder in church last week so my mom and dad decided to drive down there to stay with her while she has her surgery and recovers. Where my grandma is from they are all holy rollers and they are totally against drinking so there is no way he is going to get away with it down there; unless of course he sneaks it, which he has done many times in the past. He has been known to hide a vodka bottle under his bed and pour it into a pepsi can so no one knows he is drinking. Or he will just drink it strait and people think he is drinking water. I just talked to my mom and she said she was at the hospital with my grandma all day, leaving him back at the house all day by himself.
Prior to them going down to WVA they were camping over the weekend with a group of friends; a group of friends who are known to be huge drinkers. If I were a recovering alcoholic the last thing I would want to do is expose myself to somthing that would make me weak. However, he has always said that he would rather have people act like they normally would and not have to worry about his problem, that it was his problem and he could control it. But he always told us that when he was drinking…
If it is true that he has been drinking, I don’t know if I can be around him any more. He said and did a lot of things the last time that really hurt me. Most people in my situation would have written him off a long time ago, but I felt like he needed me and I brushed those things off like they never happened. My husband and my mother both told me last time that once he gets sober and things settle down again that I would have to sit down with him and tell him how much he hurt me so that he knows what he put me through (because he literally will not remember anything). Well I never did that because I was too afraid that I would set him off and he would start drinking again. Well I guess I really didn’t have much to lose if he is drinking again anyways. Sighhhh
Last time he had a lot of excuses, and we all bought into his excuses because we were all a little guilty of enabling him in some way at some time. But now he has no excuses because everything is the way he had imagined it should be in order for him to be sober. I guess there will always be excuses.
I could bring all this worrying to an end by simply asking my mom if she thought he was drinking, but that seems easier said that done. I’m afraid of what she will tell me; I’m not sure if I can handle the truth. I’m also afraid of what she will not tell me. She has been one of his BIGGEST enablers and she has lied to me about him plenty of times because she doesn’t want me to WORRY! I think sometimes she is in denial too becuase she may know damn well that he has been drinking all day and she will say “he’s not bad, he’s real mellow”. Not to mention she is known to enjoy some cocktails herself and sometimes when she can’t beat him she will join him.
URGHHH! I need to chill out and get some sleep tonight!
