to practice. The key is to remember what my legitimate rights are and not to back down when someone else wants to disregard them, and sometimes to negotiate a suitable compromise that preserves them.
NY2009 has written 8 entries about this goal
Is knowing when to respond and knowing when it’s not worth it, or when it will provoke a worse response. It depends on knowing the person you’re dealing with, to some extent and how healthy (or horrible) they are, which you don’t always know right away. So I guess trying a few approaches may be necessary. I need to work on not being as reactive, though, to some people I’m pretty sure. Like just not letting it get to me. And yeah, that doesn’t sound like standing up for myself, maybe, but it’s trying to be self-protective (and aggravation avoidant) in the most productive way, whatever that is.
I’ve used a couple of times lately when I’ve taken exception to someone’s behavior, and they’ve said “you’re too sensitive” (sorry to note it’s usually a guy who says this, but whatever). I like to say, with a smile and as much humor as possible, “You know who says that? . . . people who are being [insensitive, hostile, abrasive, abusive, etc.]. I find it’s quite effective.
and learning how to deal effectively with a bully is key. I was helped by these books. I realized I was being far too tough on myself, and giving other people’s preferences and standards too much weight—when it comes to me, my own standards and judgments and preferences rule so that I can live the happy, joyous life I was intended to.
means not taking the bait in the first place. The bait: learn it, recognize it, deflect it. Like with those Wonder Woman bracelets.
As important as anybody’s, and as valid as anybody’s. I deserve to have me stand up for what I want and need.
was recognizing when I needed to stand up for myself. It’s easy when it’s obvious, but there’s a lot of “cloak and dagger” out there.
I just read a good book “In Sheep’s Clothing” about covert aggression. Aha! Totally recommend it.
First, I want to be able to recognize when I need to stand up for myself (like when someone’s being passive aggressive, sometimes it slips by me), and that I need to make sure I’m taking care of myself. I think that can be half the battle. I want to learn ways to “call them on it” or hold them accountable, not get upset and emotionally reactive, but calm myself down and respond in an appropriate, measured and assertive manner.
I tend to be pretty easygoing and giving with people I care about, but sometimes that means that they end up getting their way all the time, and I don’t. I think it ends up undermining their respect for me and then they take the selfishness up a notch, then I get resentful and annoyed with both of us. So that’s another way that I need to stand up for myself. I need to recognize and assert my preferences more often.
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