Learn to not shy away from confrontation

Okay, this seems pretty elementary, but I was afraid. Like really afraid, not just hesitant or anxious or whatever, but my heart would pound and I was afraid of what the other person might do. Another big problem was that I have been too hard on myself, and holding myself to some impossible standard. What if I don’t act with as much integrity as I want? What if I lose my temper? What if I say something mean or hurt someone’s feelings? I now see that, at least in my case, that was a weakness that can and was easily exploited by others.

It’s not you, it’s them! I just read a couple of great books about bullying, and they were really helpful. I think the first one was called Bullies Under the Radar.

who’s a bit on the high-strung side was complaining to me about his work and made an aggressive gesture. I wasn’t in any danger, and he was standing across the room. Even though it wasn’t a “threat,” it was aggressive. I called him on it. “Don’t make threatening gestures towards me.” and he said “Oh, I see, you’re in a bad mood.” (Classic). I took up for myself again, calmly and assertively: “No, I’m not in a bad mood, I just don’t like when people make threatening gestures. Please don’t do it again.” I should have said the please the first time around, I think an extra dose of politeness when you’re being assertive is helpful.

not to do so much of the talking, but to ask more questions, get more answers from the other person and “let silence do the heavy lifting” as Susan Scott says in her book, Fierce Conversations.