do first things first

A month ago I paid off my car loan.. now, I’m sitting here with the extra room in my budget to pay debt but the antsy feeling that I want to move out of my dark little studio. It’s an intense feeling—this last month I dealt with a bunch of flies (I live in a basement so when it gets hot outside my apartment gets a LOT of flies), spiders…. and some other bugs. It’s hard to keep the apartment clean because I don’t deal well with such a small amount of space and so little storage (I have to buy book shelves and a dresser, etc). It also gets nearly no light. So, I want to move. My friend lives in a complex that isn’t too much more expensive (about the same as my car payment) I have debt that I am trying ot manage and get ahead of right now… So, moving and using up this new cushion I just got is not the wisest decision… but I’m also feeling so exhausted about how dark my apartment is and how many bugs I get. SO, first thigns first… I’m going to try to hold off until fall, and then reevaluate. Any support that you all can give me to NOT move yet would be great. I need a pep talk about how paying my debt is going to be better in the future than having a comfy living spot now. (My place is not all that bad, I lvoe my landlord, and I have some ideas for how to make the living space better….. mirrors for light, book shelves, a smaller bed (sofa) for more floor space).... I just need ot convince myself not to give up on the space yet.

From yesterday:

clean the kitty litter (either my mom or brother did this before i got home)

vacuum room and living room (my brother and mom’s stuff is everywhere… i need to get them to organize their stuff before i can vacuum..)

go running (siiiiiigh) (DID IT)

do half an hour of yoga (didn’t do…)

get my homework done…. lots and lots of homework (made TONS of progress, but it’s not done yet)

follow up on job prospects (oops.)

*prioritize my to do list (nope)

Today:
*clean the kitty litter
*ask mom and brother to tidy/hide their stuff…
*vacuum
*yoga 1/2 hour.
*do more homework, finish up what’s due tomorrow
*follow up on job prospects
*prioritize my to do list

here we go again….. my list for today (just today):

*clean the kitty litter
*vacuum room and living room
*go running (siiiiiigh)
*do half an hour of yoga
*get my homework done…. lots and lots of homework
*follow up on job prospects
*prioritize my to do list

That’s it.. Then I can do whatever I want for the day. I worked 5 hours today so that’s out of the way, and not on the list as a result. :P

It’s interesting to see how we can prioritize so many things in life in a way that doesn’t actually serve us well. I stand by feeling this is one of my most important goals on 43T. It’s certainly kept me a bit more tidy, organized, and so on. Over the last three years I’ve put work WAY up on my priority ladder and it wasn’t until I started doing this goal that I boosted school up on my list and started noticing how with putting work as a priority I wasn’t really putting my health or wellbeing in there. The First Things list helps with that.

Here’s where my life is right now though. I got into grad school (WOOHOO!), I have a workers’ comp issue (feels major…) in my shoulders, thoraxic, neck, elbows, etc. Regular pain killers aren’t working so I’m on steroids now (which scares the crap out of me..but it’s just a 10 day taper). I cut my work hours (as I wait to hear about loans for school) effective the 19th but then workers comp cut my hours effective last Thursday… that sucked. It stresses me out.

After taking a couple days to really freak out about all of this I’m realizing with this extra time I can concentrate on more on learning relaxation skills, exercising, getting ready for school and so on.

My bosses did ask me though if I want to “not do [my] job anymore” though and that worries me. I feel like I’m worried they may want to demote me because of school but now feel like they are in a sticky situation because of workers’ comp. I feel like they’re asking me to admit I’m failing when really I feel like I’m only struggling at work (most of my workers’ comp issue is stress related) because they haven’t provided me with the tools I need. Granted.. if they aren’t ever going to give me the tools I need then what’s the point of continuing to try so hard at this job which is just…literally.. destroying my back.

So, here’s my list of first things right now:

Little Stuff:

Guitar Keep trying!

Couch 2 5K Keep trying!

Vacuum It’s been a while. I really need a BETTER vacuum but yeah, I need to overhaul my floor. The guy I’m seeing is allergic to cats, I’m sure I could get it to be a little more hospitable for him.

2013 Chapbook I need to start getting poems together for this. It’s already March!

Kitty Litter still going with this. my old lady cat is having trouble going in the box now so it’s more important that i do this better—the major downside is that i have trouble carrying the 15-20 lb box up the stairs when I buy new litter…sigh

Medium Stuff:

Drink more Water I could always do better at this. I did great yesterday. Need to keep it up.

Eat Healthier I’ve been doing really well for the last 4 or 5 days.

Sedona Method Working through disk 3 right now. Really good stuff for letting go of emotions we don’t want..in the moment.

Gym Went for the first time in a while yesterday, keep going!

Big Stuff:

Budget Work out a budget for how things will look based on the estimation letter financial aid gave me. See how much I want to work when school starts. Analyze that in response to my bosses’ question at work. Etc.

I’m not sure about these categories but they work for now. These are all just things I really feel like will serve to take care of me better.. instead of “buy wine,” “watch netflix to avoid stress,” etc. I want to establish some really solid foundations as I transition into school and hopefully away from this work stuff that has gotten entirely too caustic for my soul.

DAILY
*Drink more fluids: still going ok..not as great this week as last
*Get more consistent sleep: going well….better and better
*30 minutes of reading: not happening… but i made it a point to get the books i’m working on and put them by my bed
*30 minutes of exercise: not happening but i have classes lined up for each day of the week this week….
*Kitty Litter Box: still going strong! cleaned once a day for the last week!

WEEKLY
*Laundry: need to do this tomorrow…. at least bedding and the sheets on the couch
*Clean Bathroom: HAVE to do this tomorrow morning.. i have company coming..
*Vacuuming: must do this again… probably tomorrow morning too

January First Things
*Comcast Box: TURNED IN THE BOX! Need to pay the bill..
*Budget: Need to write a new one now that i have my tax refund..

February First Things-So Far
*Apply for financial aid: DONE.
*Chapbook: Start compiling poems for my chapbook that will be published in 2013…. still noodling on this
*Tax Return: RECEIVED. Need to allocate the funds….and incorporate into budget..and stop spending on “fun stuff”
*Car Registration: need to find out why the check engine light is on and at least pay the reg fees..
*Resume: I need to re-do it.
*Adult Ed: See if i can sign up for any adult education classes…got a flyer today for the classes in this town.. they look neat.

DAILYDrink more fluids: going ok.
*Get more consistent sleep: going well.
*30 minutes of reading: not happening…
*30 minutes of exercise: not happening…
*Kitty Litter Box: did it yesterday and today…

WEEKLY*
Laundry: did it yesterday, have more to do today.
*Clean Bathroom: Haven’t done it in a few weeks
*Vacuuming: Did some yesterday. (I need to do this stuff every week because I have allergies to the cats I own and they flare up if I don’t keep the place fur free.)

January First Things*
Finish Grad School App: DONE. I have an admissions Interview on the 15th
*Comcast Box: Not turned in… I need to take a lunch period and do this.. Of course, I’m broke again..so I have no money to pay the remainder of the debt.
*Budget: Wrote it out..didn’t follow it.
*Tax Return: Not received yet.

February First Things-So Far*
*Apply for financial aid: I wrote an email to the office today, we’ll see what they say.
*Chapbook: Start compiling poems for my chapbook that will be published in 2013
*Tax Return: Carry Over from Jan..Not received yet. Put towards savings and car repairs

Fatty over here in the corner ate a family size bag of doritos this weekend as i avoided everything i was supposed to be doing and buried my head in the sand trying not to deal with anything that was stressing me out. 3/4ths of the way through the bag (this was day 3..i didn’t eat it all in one sitting—although it’s still pretty bad) i was like “wow…have you eaten anything REAL this weekend??” So, we’re back on this goal.

We’re just gonna go bare bones basics here:

DAILYDrink more water/non-caffeinated and non-alcoholic fluids (tea counts)
*Get more consistent sleep (6:30-8 hours)
*Read something entertaining (and of substance) for 30 minutes a day
*20-30 minutes of exercise (gym/run should be 3 times a week for now, the other days can be short lazy walks…just MOVE)
*Clean the kitty litter box

January First Things*
*Finish Grad School App (made huge progress today, essay is done, transcripts are ordered, am rsvp’d to the open house saturday, have started my portfolio)
*Turn in the comcast box and settle the debt (so that February I can get cable..maaaayne)
*Get back on a written budget
*Put my tax return to debt/savings and not splurge items or furniture (no matter how bad I want furniture I know i have the basics already)

I’m all moved except for some items that I have in my car that will stay there until I get some shelving for the apartment. I absolutely adore my new space and I’m glad I didn’t wait to move. So much stress has just melted away living closer to work (and it’s only day two of the new commute).

I went to my Grad School meeting for Counseling Psych: Expressive Arts and was really fortunate that the program counselor knew about all of the Counseling Psych programs offered at that campus. We talked about three concentrations: Expressive Arts, Holistic and touched on Transpersonal (which is offered at a different campus). Holistic actually covers somatic and transpersonal. I’m stumped now as to which I should go for. But, I have another info night scheduled for the closer campus on Dec. 5 and so I’ll get some more information on two other specializations: Transpersonal and Somatic (not combined like the Holistic specialization). I guess I should create it’s own unique 43T for the graduate school stuff so I can delve into it a bit more.

So, that leaves car repairs on my list, rejoin a gym, get my stuff sorted out with comcast, the resume to the company (although I’m becoming less and less inclined to do that and more and more inclined to keep my current job). Also, been doing super well at keeping the kitty box clean, need to drink more water (I have to start carrying a water bottle around again), and my sister and I bought healthy groceries for the apartment last night so that was really great. Things are going well… it’s a feeling I haven’t had in a couple of months. It’s nice.

Ok, Keys: CHECK. Moving this weekend? Check… oh god, hope I get through this painlessly…

Next up: Grad School Info Meeting (for Expressive Arts (Counseling Psych) next Monday evening…

Need to schedule: other Grad School Info Meeting (for Transpersonal Psych (Counseling Psych))

Need to make a plan to: get new tires and tie rod, check brakes, replace windshield and wipers, replace heater core (IN THAT ORDER)

Need to work in financial plan to rejoin gym… cause I’m massively out of shape and if you don’t have your health what do you have?

Need to send my resume to this company that’s going to help me out over the course of grad school and need to look into financial aid…

Long list of massively important things. One at a time.. We’re getting there….

I finally found and got accepted to an apartment. It isn’t cheap though. It does, however, have everything I want: a fireplace, balcony, washer and dryer (in unit!!), a bathtub, lots of light, gated parking, a pool and a hot tub (on site). I’ve squared away my renters insurance today and when I get paid on Tuesday I’ll chuck most of my paycheck at them and move on in. I’m amped. And, base don the timing I should be able to still keep on track for saving to fix my car and create a savings account.

School is going ok… but I’m losing interest in Anthro—since it’s not related to what I want to study. My next “first things first” along with my car stuff is to go meet with an academic advisor at JFKU and figure out how to make this happen.

For all the minor stuff: my life is in disarray. I have been sleeping 8 hours but at the expense of getting to work on time. I need to start going to bed earlier and getting to work earlier. This will be (hopefully) automatic when I move. DEFINITELY not enough water. Kitty Litter box is doing OK, still want to clean it more often but I’m doing way better than usual. Art, guitar, reading? Eugh… Not even on my radar… but I guess they aren’t REALLY “first things” sorts of things…at least not at the moment.