Just Be Strong

HA! He brought back my car that his sister was driving, and he initially suggested that I let him pick me up in the truck and take me to get my car. Heck no! My response: Why don’t you just let your girlfriend follow you in your truck while you drive my car and leave it in the driveway. He was NOT expecting that one. I am so over this situation, who cares who he’s with. He kept saying over and over, “I am so, so sorry” and I was like “You’re right, you are.”

The phone rang off the hook all last night, as that was the first time since I had him removed that we spoke, and he kept trying to talk with me. I’d prefer he direct his energy into making the best of whatever he’s got going on over there, because I am in a good place right now, and it appears that it’s only going to get better from here.

Just as a catapault rears back to gain the necessary momentum to wreak havoc, it’s the 3rd day since he was served and removed from the home, and he has come back with a vengance. He’s now attempting to isolate me from the few local allies that I do have here. I thought that he could no longer surprise me, yet I’m amazed that he has managed to convince himself (and is now trying to convince others) that he’s done nothing wrong, and that all I had to do was talk to him, instead of filing for divorce and having the Sheriff remove him from the property. HA! The last time I tried to “talk” to him, it hurt to eat, or even talk for about 2 weeks. I’ll never forget what he said: “That was just a slap. Imagine if I had punched you”. Hell no! I don’t care if he steps out in traffic in front of my office. I’m out, and not even entertaining the thought of going back. So much for him “leaving me alone” and “not wanting a b*tch that [doesn’t] want him”...

it dawns on me that I have no one to talk to. No one to tell about my day, or to joke with or to make me smile. As I type this, I’m reminded that those smiles were fewer and further in between lately, and I know that I did the right thing. It wasn’t even about being “happy” anymore. Rather, it was about survival, and emotional (and physical) well-being. No one should have to live with knowing that they are being used, and taken for granted. Especially when the “user” gets confortable with taking everything from you and offering nothing but pain in return, and thinks they’re doing nothing wrong! I’d RATHER have no one to talk to. Better still, I’d rather look at my kids’ smiling faces, and know that they are free to be children again. Yes; that’s more important than being able to tell someone how my day was.

was prepare and file my own divorce. But it’s done. Like ripping off a band-aid, I feel the sting, but the sting is not like the pain I’ve been feeling, and I know that this sting is temporary. I am no longer stuck in a miserable situation. I pray that God grants me the strength to move on and try to be happy, but the emotional roller-coaster stops. Today.

but this is my horoscope for today and it fits like a glove:

Keeping in touch with your inner self is extremely important right now – you need to start listening more to that nagging voice in your head! It knows who you really are, and it will lead you to what you really need in life. Ignore what other people are telling you to do – they have good intentions, but don’t really know the real deal. Stick to your own gut instinct. It may take time to get there, but soon you will be standing upon a firm foundation of self-awareness and self confidence.

I wish I could say that “all’s well that ends well.” I don’t know what I want yet, but I do know what I DON’T want. It seems that everyone has an opinion or solution that suits what they may want, need, or expect from me, be it work, school, or my mother, but I haven’t yet decided how I want to proceed. I just know that I am ready to live again. I am dying a slow death, and it’s being expedited each time I have a day like the one I had on Saturday, my son’s birthday, no less.