get my sleep cycle back on track

I was actually really depressed about this on Tuesday. Sal noticed I wasn’t quite myself (thanks, Sal) but I didn’t really want to talk about it then. I’ve struggled for a few years now with a sleep disorder, and extremely long story short, it’s hard for me to get up in the morning. And I’m not talking normal hard to get up. I’m talking freakishly, terribly, impossibly, sickeningly, frustratingly, stupidly hard to get up. The only person who can even come close to understanding this is my mom, and that’s only because she’s witnessed it so closely these last few years. And even she can’t wrap her brain around it. Heck, neither can I. All I know is that I’m fed up. I have been for a long time, but I have my moments where it bothers me more than usual. And this is one of those moments. I’m sick of missing classes, missing Sunday School, feeling sick when I finally do get up, and I’m especially sick of worrying about how I’ll ever survive adulthood. How will I ever hold a job? How will I be able to do all that God has planned for me if I’m not able to get out of bed to do it? That’s why I know that He’ll heal me of this. Because it’s holding me back from doing all that I can for Him. And He won’t stand for that, I know it. So why am I having to put up with it now? He has His reasons. I see now why I had to be sick from about 2001 to 2005, but why do I still have to deal with the after effects of those few years? I guess I’ll just have to wait and see. But for now it stinks pretty bad.

Because I’m mad at it.
Yes, I’m mad at my sleep cycle.
And I don’t want to talk about it yet.