Make new friends

I’ve joined a kind of coffee club in our building. I may get to know some more people.

It is quite paradoxical, but to get to know more people one needs to know people.

I think I have a new friend. We’re always glad to see each other.

Getchen Rubin seems to think this is important, and she recommends setting a goal of having three friends.

Six months later, and still nothing to report. I have to think about this goal again, and possible retire it. I don’t really want to make new friends, I just think that I should. My life is too settled to allow the entry of new people, and the effort that it takes to see the friends that I do have doesn’t make it seem very attractive to have more.

The strong effects of companionship on the quality of experience suggest that investing psychic energy in relationships is a good way to improve life. Even the passive, superficial conversations at a neighbourhood bar can stave off depression. But for real growth, it is necessary to find people whose opinions are interesting and whose conversation is stimulating. A more difficult, but in the long run even more useful, skill to acquire is the ability to tolerate solitude, and to even enjoy it.

Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, Finding Flow

Friends would be people I like, right?

I think I was a bit afraid that I might have to compromise on the quality of my friends. Today I met somebody (who moves in a sphere too far away from mine so we won’t become friends) that made it clear to me that it is imperative not to compromise on quality.

I’m not sure where flexibility fits in here.

I’ve been doing some thinking about this. I am making a lot of new online friends, but for this goal I mean real flesh and bone friends. I’m not sure how it will go.

The one time recently that I did meet somebody interesting I flinched and ran a mile. I think I was trying too hard, or something.

I haven’t the foggiest idea how to start this.