stop picking my skin

I hope that this doesn’t jinx it, but I took Kimmy’s advice to just let big pores and zits be. I will squeeze zits, but after that I leave them be. I don’t feel the need to pick at scabs anymore!

I’ll post a picture as soon as I get my camera back!

Now, what shall I buy as a reward?

In all honesty, I can’t say that I’ve even thought about it a lot. I went from one bad addiction to another…I started cutting again and pick at the scabs. I really don’t mind all that much, because it’s something people can’t see, but I still stopped the cutting. I’ll just pick at the scabs. It seems like that has made my face picking habit become forgotten. Still, I do not recomend it, but the rubber band trick works very well!

I got a new kind of make-up…biotherm light! It is amazing…it just metlts into your skin and makes the unevenness forgotten. The only bad part is that it hasn’t changed the “make-up meltdown” I still look very undone after an 8 hour school day. O, well…pretty soon the scars will be gone and I’ll be semi-comfortable without it.

The chemical peel is wonderful! I may have contributed to the non-picking days as well. Because it just hurts when the stuff comes in contact with open wounds. Also…it REALLY prevents break-outs. all that’s left to heal on my face are the old scabs…no new pimples (knock on wood)!

Good luck to everyone!

And wish me luck for this,

135 more days and I’ll have quit!

Some people have been asking about my CHEMICAL PEEL treatment.

I stil have not stopped picking my skin, but the dermatologist is still doing it. she just leaves out the areas that have been picked very badly. I have to admit that it’s really helped the picking, because some of the acid will always get in the wound and will make it sting. Since I’m not a masochist I have stopped picking. Honestly? I haven’t really even thought about it.

She gave me a prescription for Zynerit which is an acne medication spot treatment. Whenever I want to pick I just put that or a dap of Nivea on. The nivea makes it so smooth that my hands just glide over the area.

She also gave me some Zeniac LP, which is a French facial cream, it has some of the elements that the peeling itself has aswell. I put it on at night and wake up with my skin feeling like a baby’s bum.

The dermatologist DOEs do extractions after the peeling because your skin really opens up. That hurts, but not as much as the peeling. In this case you have to take the word peeling for what it is, they are peeling your skin, layer for layer to get rid of build up cells. It does hurt, but the soothing relief of the mask makes it all better. I believe that it’s worth it. Just had my 2nd treatment last night and I’m feeling great!

I went to the dermatologists for the chemical peel today and now my skin feels nice and smooth, she also got rid of what was clogging the pores. It hurt like hell, doesn’t look that much better know, but I can feel it.

Wish me luck!

The other day, simultaneous to my online mental break down, I broke down in front of my parents…telling them how ugly I feel. They have decided to take me back in to get prescription drugs, to get on the pill, and to start chemical peels up again. I had quit the later back they hurt like crazy, but I think it’s worth it.

also, I have discovered that my picking habits seem to be a lot different from other people’s. I don’t pick in front of the mirrpr, when I look in the mirror I just cry (reason why it’s facing the wall). I pick when I lie in bed before falling asleep and when I’m reading. I just feel my uneven skin…feel the dry bits, feel that I could just rip them of…or scratch them of…and wham! I do it. It’s semi-subconcious, I mean I sort of don’t realise it…

Any ideas on how to help? I used to bite my nails, then I quit that when we moved and moved on to face picking…I’d much rather have stubby fingernails…not as noticable!

Why does he have to see me like this tomorrow? I look so bad, I want to skip school so that he doesn’t have to look at my face. I just keep crying and crying…and just being sad…I feel so ugly…and I want to curl up and die—-

Dear Nina,

You feel like you’ve failed. Again. Like all the hard times in your life where you think that you should have acted differently. Let me give you a small piece of wisdom that I only have early in the morning after 5 cups of coffee. Most of the stuff you feel guilty about? Is not your fault. It’s as simple as that, let it go. The zits on your face are no your fault, you’re doing all you can. Now do your face a favor…let it rest, let it heal. And let your inner wounds heal with the noticable ones. Let him love you for who you are, he wants to! And most of all, learn to love yourself.

You had a great moment yesterday. Sure, your skin looks terrible and you want to crawl into a hole and die, but you got out to go shopping anyway. To make you feel better. Usualy you wear means jeans, because you say that you hate how women’s jeans make you look. That’s partialy true, but it’s also because you’re afraid of the sizes. Well, girl, breathrough moment. A sales assistant kept pushing you to try on a tighter pair of pants (though the other one was more expensieve) just to see how it looks. You kept telling her that your fat legs and butt could not possibly make this look good. She kept insisting, “try size 32.” Grandmother was belowing, “Give it a go, it’s the smallest size there is, you’re a very short person.” And wonder of wonders, you tried them on. Went to pay, got home, put them in the wash, and didn’t take them of again. The message learned? Take a chance. You may surprise yourself.

You also went to the body shop for some tee trea oil soap and cover up. You want it to help so badly, but why? You hate yourself for your skin, but I know of a person who loves you very much. Who doesn’t pretend not to see it. Who told you that he would use photoshop on every picture if it bothers you so much. At first it was a shock, to know that he sees it.
You were hoping that he was blind to every imperfection, but then he said something that made your heart soar. “Stop trying to be perfect, I love you. For me, you are a kind of perfect, I don’t want the perfect girl…I just want my perfect girl and she may be a problem child at times. She may wake up trying everynight…but that does not mean that I won’t hold her every single night until I die…to try her tears.”

Thank you,

You’re no monster!

-Epiphanies at 9 AM on an off day

p.s. Your new blog: http://profacial.blogspot.com/

I broke out again and for the first time in my life I feel like one can describe my face as real, “acne,” I want to crawl somehwere and just cry till I go numb, I feel so very ugly. And everytime I see myself I just want to scrach and scratch, yelling at myself, “You beast!” That’s what I am…a fat, ugly, beast…

In an effort to make them go away I wanted to leave them alone, but it not only looks hodeous, but also hurts so badly…I’m a monster…

I had to take a bus into the city the other day and there were some small children there. Boys, 3 of them. They started pulling my hair and kicking me. I felt like I was in kindergarden…I grabbed one of them, telling him to stop, but when I turned my back they started insulting me. “Ugly whre” “Dumb btch” “Zit face”

I’m a monster.

Two days after not picking for a week I was back where I started! So much stress, and then getting pimples, pimples that hurt!

So, I picked and picked my sorrows away… cries

I’m going to start usimg a new skin care regime, no more harsh cleansers…I saw a bar of soap (made for sensitive) skin lying on my nighstand today and decided to start using that instead. Just…natural…only soap and shampoo when in the shower…no creams, no nothing!

Great job to everyone who’s going strong! We’ll do it, even if I don’t feel like I can right now…

Picked again!